Lessons from a child

This happens A LOT!  When the kids are playing and paying no attention to me or fighting some battle with me and I stop because whoa.  I just got schooled...by someone who doesn't even know algebra!

Zoe was doing homework and she kept messing up on purpose, just so she could erase her mistake and do it again.  I was getting so aggravated (I wouldn't make a good God, huh?).   I started to think about why she was doing this.  It seemed so backwards and was taking up so much time that could be better spent, I don't know PLAYING!

2+2=7  Oops, no.  Erase.  2+2=4  Bingo!

Uuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhh, GET ON WITH IT, ZOE!  Suddenly, I had the ol' "ohhhhh" moment.   I think I do this, too.  Except with my life and with God.  Sometimes I mess up just so I can erase the mess I've made, make it all neat and tidy and start over on the eraser bits of my past.

Why?  It seems so counterproductive.  It's because I'm a self-sabotager.  If I know something is good for me, before I realize it I've gone out of my way to make sure I don't do that thing.  I don't even know what this is about.  Like with Zoe,  I want to grab her hand and make her do it right the first time, because SHE CAN!  I get sick of saying "focus Zoe" because it's not that she has a problem with focus, it's she not using it.

And well... I CAN!  I can do these things that I think "normal" wives and "normal" moms do because they need to be done.  Instead, I convince myself I'm just not that woman.

I can be that woman.

And I'm not talking about that woman, Miss Super Mom doing every activity under the sun and running every school event.  There are some moms that thrive in that environment, but I wither.  So I won't run in the direction of something that won't also be fun. But, I can do more than what I'm doing, period.

I'm sick of messing up so I can say "see, I just can't do it" and then I end up doing it right the 2nd time AFTER I've proven I can't do it.  Oh people of the blog world, I AM INSANE!