the past- are you Rico or the Joker???

I'm typing out a whole chapter of a book for you with swollen, pregnant fingers if that tells you how much you need to hear this.  Ok, it's only a three page chapter, but still...  It's from the book by Steven James (who I use in my blogs ALL the time, he's my fave) called Becoming Real.

This chapter is about examining your past, or living there.  Like Rico in Napoleon Dynamite reliving his glory days (although I'm suspicious he never REALLY had any) or like the Joker whose every move in the present is because of things (real or unreal) that happened in the past.

The title makes me squirm a little because our culture has been in this stage, for the past decade or so, where EVERYONE uses the excuse of "being real" to just say what they want and be obnoxious and loud...all the while leaving out love and truth...and you aren't allowed to get mad because they're just "being real with you."  Evangelists, singers, comedians, friends...  I hate it.  Anyway, this book isn't like that.  The title may lead you to think that, but it's not.  So, I'm not commenting on what he's saying, I just want you to hear it.  If I underline something, it's not underlined in the book, it's just a part that resonated with me on a very deep level.

***

Instant replay allows millions of sports fans to relive the highlights (and low points) of sporting events just seconds after they occur.  The big catch, the free kick, the breakaway slam dunk, the fumbled ball...

Most of us will never see ourselves in an instant replay on TV, but we all have private replay screens in our minds.  We replay the highlights (and low points) from the past:  it might be the time that girl laughed at you in ninth grade, the time your boss chewed you out, the day you landed the big account, or the moment you proposed to your spouse.  Sometimes we see the slam dunks, and sometimes the fumbles as we look back at the glories and accomplishments, wounds and mistakes, traumas and triumphs of our lives.  We play those scenes over and over in our minds as we try to figure out exactly who we are and where we fit into this strange, wonderful, mixed-up world.  

Some people only replay the highlights.  They're the stars of their own pasts and continually say, "Remember when I..."

Others only replay the low points.  They're the ones who convince themselves they could never be successful at anything.  They think, If only I had said or done that differently...

But each, in his own way, is setting a trap for himself.  For as the Chinese Christian leader Watchman Nee once said, "Our failure lies in thinking of ourselves too much.  We remember either our virtues or our defeats, both of which hinder Christ from being fully manifested in our lives."  The Words of Peter Kreeft summarize nicely: "Humility is thinking less about yourself, not thinking less of yourself." 

All of these replayed scenes tell only a portion of the story and focus our attention in the wrong direction -- on our past rather than on our future with God.

The process of becoming real requires shutting off that internal instant-replay screen.  That doesn't mean denying the mistakes we've made or pretending the wounds or struggles of our pasts never happened.  (It doesn't mean flattering ourselves by clinging to the past successes either). 

Rather, God's grace sets us free to finally accept all of those scenes for what they are --moments that have helped to shape us but do not define us.  

Our new lives are defined by Christ.  Our worth and our identities don't come from our past successes or failures but from our relationship with God.  For our lives are completely in his hands and no longer under the thumb of the past.  We need to be able to tell ourselves, "I haven't always made good decisions, and I haven't always made bad ones.  But right now, right here, this is where I am.  I won't continue to relive either the glory days or the sorry days.  I am who I am.  I don't have unlimited potential (nobody does), and yet with God's help I can become more than I ever have been.  I'll accept my past as a part of myself, but I'll also accept this moment as the first moment of a brand-new game."

If we can start living out those words, we'll be freer than most of the people on Planet Earth.   Putting the past in its place is vital.  As Paul wrote, "I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing:  Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I  strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven." (Philippians 3:13-14)

Since God forgives all wrongs, there's no reason we should dwell on the past.  We're free from its grip when we're forgiven by the Master.  And since God is in complete control of the universe and nothing slips through the cracks or gets past him, we need not fear or fret about tomorrow, for he holds it securely in his hands. 

The past is past, the future is up to God.  This moment is all we have.  So make it count.

Learn from the past--acknowledge it and move on.  Thank God for the lessons.  Hand him the pain.  Reflect on the past, but don't try to live there.  It's a road that has passed under your wheels.  It's countryside no longer in view.  That doesn't mean you ignore the past.  Let it inform you -- but not distract you.

God has given you this moment to serve him.  What will you do with it?

oh Lord, 

find the darkened corners of my life

and bring them to light.

find the empty places in my soul 

and fill them with yourself. 

find the excuses i love to make

and expose them to the truth.

find me lost in the valleys of loneliness

and lead me to the mountains of communion.

let me be unashamed

to be myself in your presence

despite what i was. 

as you make me into 

who i am.