Good cop, bad cop. Which one is God? Which one is Jesus?

I think somewhere deep down, I've always seen everything through the lens that Jesus came to save us FROM God. Like God was just ready to send us to hell and Jesus stepped between us like a superhero and said "not this one!" And Jesus does do that...he's just not speaking TO God. He's speaking AS God TO the enemy.

I didn't think this logically...actually I didn't even realize it was the way I thought...it's just been underneath all these layers of misinterpretation and assumptions. I didn't realize it until someone else sort of put it into words in a comment on a blog. I think the past two years of learning so much prepared me to deal with it.

Maybe I thought of it like this:
Jesus: good cop
God: bad cop

I know logically this isn't true, but now that I'm aware of these thoughts, I need to work on changing my perspective and capturing my thoughts.

So, this is just a thought I'm putting out there. No digging deeper right now. More thoughts later, I'm still waking up.

I'm so scared to pray this prayer.

I don't want to see things like baby girls used as sex slaves or people dying from a lack of something I take for granted (water, antibiotics, food) because it hurts too much. If I look too long, I may be accountable. So, I've always turned my head away and stared into something meaningless like jokes on the internet or whatever book I'm into.

What if God turned His face from me because it hurt too much? Or my problem was too all encompassing that he couldn't get near it? What if He turned from my pain to gaze at something that serves to distract Him? My world would be a different place. I would be undone. I would have quit by now.

And yet this BIG group of people who have only known lack, smile. They keep moving forward. They see God in a way I don't. The things in my life that make it easier on me, make me so comfortable that sometimes I only seek God when I "need" Him. I talk to Him a lot (hourly) but I don't seek him. He romances me, and what lights up my smile more than anything? A good sale at Kohl's

I'm not saying tv and sales and shopping and junk food are the worst things in the world. But they are if they distract you from God and the great commission.  If they too easily help you forget that there are people hurting and people that need hope. 

“Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’” (Matthew 28:18-20).

Lord, in 2013 and EVERY YEAR I HAVE LEFT break my heart of stone for what breaks yours and then give me the strength to ACT! I'm scared of what that will feel like because I've never looked head on at things in this country and others that are too horrible to see. I'm scared to pray this prayer, but I'm willing. Change me. Align my heart with Yours. Break me. I'm scared, but You have not given me a Spirit of fear.  I can't even imagine at this point that such a break is possible, as I'm typing this and telling You, I'm pretty sure I'll back out.  But I want what You want even when it hurts.  I know Your will can be done in my life.  In faith, I'm giving You a permission that you don't need, but want.  I love You with all that is within me.  Amen.  

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

2 Timothy 1: 7

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Listen to this song now: 

http://youtu.be/we4t0fAnGBA