November 29th - the first day of Isaac and Courtney

I had vowed to not date anyone for a year and *almost* made it, but this boy asked me out while trying on shoes at the mall (while his sisters mysteriously disappeared). I thought "what the heck? I don't have to "date him" date him, I can just go on a date with him" We ended up kissing BEFORE our first date and held hands like we'd been dating ten years ON our first date! haha And that was it.

 I told him around 6 months into it, I needed to KNOW we were supposed to get married, even though I felt I'd just die without him. What I meant was that I was a new baby Christian and I realized I needed to make sure this was the man God meant to be my forever man. He was such a gentleman and stepped back while I prayed and I really DEMANDED that God tell me it was Isaac. God, also the gentleman, let me rant and rave until finally I was spent and told Him "I know I'm not supposed to be asking for signs all the time, but You know what I need to hear so shut me up long enough so I can hear it."

 I looked up the word "love" in the concordance of my Bible and it said "Isaac" in Genesis. I was like "ummmm ok God that can't be You because that's pretty obvious," so I looked up the most romantic book of the Bible Song of Solomon. When I opened to that book in my Bible, Isaac had written a note on a little scrap of paper I'd never seen before that said "Courtney, I love you." A tremendous peace fell upon me them and I realized I was so scared that God was going to say "He's not the one" (because I was just madly in love with him) that I didn't want to seek out the answer. BTW, I didn't last a week of searching this out, it was about three days haha!

I am so grateful for the stress of that week because knowing and I mean KNOWING that we are meant to be together, with NO doubts, makes any hard times we go through less…hard. I know there is a permanence with him and the covenant we've made to one another withstands anything. So I have no worries he'll pick up and leave one day. He wouldn't have been promised to me if there was anything we couldn't get through together. 

Our first date was Outback and then to WalMart to buy my mom an extension cord, but by then it felt like we already knew it was forever. I love you Isaac and I'm so thankful we've had WAY more good times than bad and that YOU'VE been the one to show me Jesus like no one else. The fact that it's you, my husband is so sweet!

Obedience when you can't hear a command

I've learned a lot about being obedient to God this year. It unlocks so much (trust, understanding, vision, my future...)

But, what about when I'm willing to obey, but I have no idea what He wants from me?  I'm at a point where I have to decide something, answer a question I can't hear, follow a voice that seems to be too quiet.

I guess I'll continue to be willing and keep seeking. I tend to find Him more in the questions than answers anyway.

There's an All Sons and Daughters song that sings "Lord, I find you in the seeking/ Lord, I find you in the doubt."

That's me.

So, what now God? How do I obey a voice I can't hear?

IF and YET

 IF and YET

I'm convinced that the whole reason I had a short season working was so God could get me to sit down and shut up long enough to hear from Him.  I spent hours listening to Celebration Church, Missio Dei and Southland Christian Church podcasts while I typed away at work.  I took pages of notes and now I want to share something really cool inspired by Mike Breaux from Southland. 

Jesus prayed to His father, in Matthew 26

“My Father, IF it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. 

YET not as I will, but as you will.”

IF there is any other way
YET Your will be done

The IF says "I know another way (my way) is possible"  The YET says "but I trust your love/perspective/plan/view from above/your ways that are higher/your wisdom that is better/your love that runs deeper."  My personal prayer would sound like this:

Abba, look at this!  See all of these other ways for this to be accomplished?????  This, this and that and over there and back here????  Do you see them?  I would love to do it that way.  

But

I'm willing to do it whatever way you tell me to because I trust your perspective.  I want what is best for the kingdom.  I want to glorify you.  

This (whatever I want or seek) is what I want to see happen
Yet...not MY will, but YOURS


The YET brings freedom and peace. The YET is true surrender.  The YET lets you lay down your independence and deeply rely on Him


Today, as you go on your way, I pray that you have this attitude with God.  The times when we can SEE the whys and hows are amazing.  But let God work in the times when it's not easy.  Trust His Spirit.  Give him lots of YETS. I think Jesus is showing us that God wants conversation with us, but we need that attitude of surrender.

Some thoughts on soap, Fight Club and feet washin'

I was in the bath tub and thinking about...soap.  Wonder why?  Hmmm...  Anyway, I was thinking about how when you use it, it doesn't just mask smells and cover up dirt, it takes them away.  Now, I don't know the technical side of soap (aside from what I learned in Fight Club) but just off the top of my head, I know some things.

1.  It goes directly on the dirt

John 13:5 

he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

2.  You don't remove the dirt then apply the soap

1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

3. You smell so good, people sometimes even notice!!!

In 2 Cor 2 somewhere between 12 and 17, The Word says He

"uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing"

Pastor Steve often tells us to smell like Jesus.  Are ya making that connection???  So now comes applying that madness up there to our life.  Don't wait to come to Jesus or the church until AFTER you have your mess cleaned up. It's never going to happen.  You'll never get it cleaned up, even if it looks sort of pretty.  

Isaiah 64:6 says All of us have become like one who is unclean,  and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf,  and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

The BEST WE GOT, is like filthy rags.  Why not just let Him wash over us, remove the parts of our lives that are hurting us, and make us smell so good that people want to know what we use.  

Tv preachers and Jesus killin' like Darth Vader

I was getting ready to leave for church and had a few minutes.  While flipping through the channels, a phrase caught my attention.  I don't even remember what it was, but I kept listening.  It was a guy named Jimmy Evans who teaches on marriage solutions and what not.  I don't know much about him, but he seemed funny and genuine (well, as much as I could tell...it WAS tv...)  

Then, he started speaking TRUTH.  My truth!  Actually, I've never done this EVER, but it's from a series he teaches that I think I'm going to order.  Yes, ORDER, from a TV preacher!  There's a first time for everything...  OK anyway, to get back to my reason for writing, here is what he said that made me stop channel surfing:

"If another person is the problem, then they become the solution."

I don't know why this struck me as profound because, while very true, wise words, I don't struggle with this.  I have no issues with anyone...but wait...do I?  Sigh.  

(I do with Courtney Hutchinson...just a little...but it hasn't been on my mind)

This implies that if we continually blame people for what is their fault (which sounds like a legit way to live), then we rely on them to fix it.  Either by discontinuing to hurt us, apologizing, or leaving our life.  

1.  Some people will never stop hurting us (even if it's you, hurting yourself)
2.  So often, the one hurting us stops hurting us or leaves... but we're still hurt.  

What we (I) need to realize, is that God is the solution.  We need to: Let.  Him.  Solve.  Only he can actually SOLVE it anyway.  Anything else won't last.  


That was a good word and I tucked it away for when I might need it, and then he said: 

"The greatest failures and scars in your life, when given to God, can give the greatest glory to God."

That was another good word.  Makes excellent sense.  My youth pastor (Pastor Jim) always told me that my past was my greatest indication of my future ministry.  It makes sense that the things you've struggled with, were done to you, happened through you, would eventually become a way to show Jesus to the world.  It's your testimony and no one knows it better than you.  You have a testimony just waiting to set someone free.  See Revelation 12:11

But what came next near about rocked my little world.  

"Jesus didn't die on the cross so we could deny our pain.  He died on the cross so that we could conquer our pain and face it square on."

Where I have made a mistake in my walk with God is that when I first got saved, I just threw a big spiritual blanket over all the ugly stuff from my past because I thought I was supposed to.  No one told me to, I just did it and hopped on board with Christianity all happy and "clean."  

I thought that if I needed to face anything it was because I was hanging onto it instead of it hanging onto me.  But, hang onto one another we did.  For years.  And now I'm starting to address it.  I've let a lot of things go, but there are still two major areas that still hurt and where I still struggle.  The reason why this sentence stuck out to me is because this week I was listening to a podcast from Southland Christian Church and a pastor (Mike Breaux) said this (and I wrote it down): 

"Let Him (God) into the muck and mire of your life because then and only then can He pull you out of it."  

I've never let God close to these areas of my life and I don't know why.  It's too hard. I want Him to heal them from a distance, but what He wants is intimacy. Transparency.  Honesty.  Brokenness.   Trust.  He, unlike anyone else, wants IN IT WITH me.  He doesn't want my brokenness because He wants some power over me, but because He wants me to be weak enough to let go of it.  His power is made perfect in our weakness anyway, so why even try to be strong?  

I want to look this thing in the face and say "ok, let's do this."  And right about the time it thinks I'm pulling out my sword, I'm just going to drop to my knees while Jesus kills it Vader style.  Hand out before Him and the thing withers and chokes.  Dead.  I did nothing because I CAN DO NOTHING.  So for the love of all that is holy, why do I try so hard to fix it on my own?  I just end up getting worn out and blaming myself for not being able to fix something I'm incapable of fixing in the first place.  

I'm ending with that.  The image of Jesus killin' my sin Vader style is in your mind.  I can't follow that up with anything.  

anchor tattoos, hope and reality tv

I was on Pinterest today and I noticed there is a tattoo section.  I clicked on it because I LOVE looking at people's tattoos.   I'm a people watcher.  I like reality TV not because of what it is (unreality) but because I like to see what people put out there for the world to see as their truth.  We all know it's not the truth, they know it's not the truth, television knows it's not the truth. No one is being duped.  I just find it interesting what people, knowing full well that others are watching and knowing them based on THIS, put out there.

Anyway, I find tattoos to hold a similar interest for me.  I want the story behind it!  I love seeing what people have etched upon their skin to forever represent a moment in time...for the rest of their lives.  That's what scares me about tattoos.   I'm all for them.  For other people.  But, I stand in the chip aisle at Kroger, unable to just grab a bag and move along.  Decisions just paralyze me.  And to decide for something to permanently be on my body in the same place (plus gravity allowance) for the rest of my life?  I mean, I look back at my prom dresses and hair styles and hate them.

But ya know, I still love my kids' names, so maybe it's more a decision like that than choosing chips or sequenced dance attire.  I'll probably never get a tattoo and Isaac will probably get lots and that's how The Hutchinsons are gonna roll.

The anchor tattoos really stuck out to me.  I KNOW I KNOW everyone has an anchor tattoo and I usually kick the wheel of the bandwagon while it's passing, lest anyone would think I'm jumping on it, but I'd probably choose an anchor.

Here is why.  Hebrews 6:19:

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

Isn't that pretty?  I drew a picture of this so that I could fully get it.  SOUL at the top with a string that leads down to an anchor that has hope written across it.  Hope holding my soul steady.

John Piper, in explaining how Christian hope is different from the dictionary's definition of hope, says:

"Christian hope is when God has promised that something is going to happen and you put your trust in that promise. Christian hope is a confidence that something will come to pass because God has promised it will come to pass."

So that Christian hope, that trust in His word, that confidence in Him is the anchor to my soul.  That soul of mine that is prone to daydream and wander.   

So, what does an anchor do?  An anchor holds something steady.  Something that seems big and mighty until you realize it's in the vastness of the ocean.  The anchor doesn't insist the ocean change to accommodate the whim of the ship.  It doesn't even come close to touching the bottom.  It's just a weight, so heavy and positioned in just the right place that the ship doesn't move.  In case you aren't seeing it because of my inability to get this out of my brain and into this blog:   

God is the ocean

I am the ship

Hope is the anchor 

Ship: oh wow look at me, I'm so big compared to everything else (insert "Condescending Wonka Face" here)

God: There is no way to measure me.  I may as well be infinity.  In fact, every drop in this ocean holds infinity.  

Ship:  Oh...

God: Don't get upset now.  Here, let me give you this anchor of hope to hold you steady within me.  Just because I love you...

I think that's why I've always instinctively loved the line in How He Loves "if grace is an ocean, we're all sinking" (see the top of every blog I've ever written...yeah...)  Comparing God to a body of water is always what I go back to.  In fact, the longest poem I've ever written is all about jumping into God, as represented by the ocean.  

Man, the more I write the more I want this tattoo.  I'll probably never do it, but if I ever decide to I'll at least have this written down, right?