I'm going to fully blog about specifics one day. I thought it would be Valentine's Day which is our 11th wedding anniversary but God won't let me. I keep trying to force it and that never works out for anybody. Before I begin I want to tell you that these are just OUR TRUTHS. If this isn't applicable for you that's fine. But I think we can all benefit from hearing one another's stories.
So let me say this. I love my husband. And yet I told him a few weeks ago in the middle of a fight, "if anything ever happened to you I would never EVER do this (marriage) again." I can be SO sweet huh?❤️
These kids ^^ didn't know what was coming. We didn't know that one day we would take a picture like the one below minutes after having a morning long blow up fight where I wanted to walk away.
^^ we look happy right? Pictures never lie *eyeroll*
I think because we joke so much on Facebook people get the idea that we're perfect and don't have problems. You're wrong. Facebook can be dangerous in that way because you don't want to be a downer. There is a fine line between being transparent and being positive. Facebook, as we all know, are teeny pieces of life. A highlight reel that we control and that's ok, as long as we recognize it.
Marriage is so hard for us. And maybe we have it harder than some, I don't know, but we are two passionate, very different people trying to run a home, raise kids, serve in ministry, deal with swing shift, keep Asher alive and stay sane. We make co-pays rain like Al Roker up in here. We are not only horrible with money but in two different ways. #jackpot I am not the most typical/comfortable stay-at-home-mom and honestly we were all happier when that was Isaac's job.
While there's no one I'd rather do this life with (truly) sometimes I don't want to be married (wow you're thinking, what a weird "happy anniversary" blog).
God knew what he was doing when he didn't offer a way out of marriage when I just don't feel like it. Otherwise I would have divorced him twice over and he maybe would have left me more times than that.
We fight.
We become idiots.
We can be hateful.
I'm passive aggressive and sarcastic and he knows just what to say that will get to me and hurt me the most. After a fight is finished, Isaac is fine and all is forgotten. Meanwhile, I retreat and can't let anything go.
And we're normal. We laugh A LOT. We have the kind of deep discussions on life that you dream of having with a life partner. We pray and pray and pray some more together. He consoles me, prays for my many medical issues, and he supports my wild ideas. He pushes me to be better. My comfort zone is a very teeny bubble and I don't travel outside of it unless he pops it and throws me far enough away from it that I have to stand up and deal with everyday life. And then he walks to me and holds my hand. Reminds me of how God treats me...just the Christ-like quality Courtney Hutchinson needs in a husband.
Annnnnnd, we've nearly called it quits twice. For real quits. We've had a LOT of counseling. We've changed our theological views, birthed three babies, switched professions, deal daily with a life-threatening condition in a child and have lost more sleep than we've gotten.
It's hard. And it's worth it. And it's fun. And it's passionate. And it's hard.
We've learned more in fighting for our marriage, than resting in our marriage. The hard times have strengthened us for the future.
We make love.
We make babies.
We make war.
We make up.
We make it work.
The good times are amazing (like, how did I get so lucky amazing) but the hard times come. And they produce in our marriage a steadfastness. After so many times of fighting through it (or even just surviving it/waiting it out) I've come to really trust my husband. To learn him. To trust Christ in the mess. To say to myself, "ok we've been here before...worse than here...and not only did we come out the other side, we came out ALIVE! We can do it again."
One perfect union from two imperfect people. It's a miracle. Truly.
Your wedding may have been from Pinterest but your marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church which isn't all burlap, mason jars and pallets. It's hard. It's work. It's exhilaration. It's true, self-sacrificing, doesn't-take-into-account-the-inconvenience-of-the-lovER, agape love. We HAVE to start seeing it that way. If it's hard that's ok, you can count on it. You can also count on support and dreams and being held up. Self-sacrifice is so important!!! It doesn't mean you give of yourself to such a degree that you don't matter....it means that you give wholly while the other person gives like that, too.
If each person gives 100%, then no one is taking.
With Isaac, I see him being the kind of father to our children that makes me want to hit my knees in thankfulness. He's openly emotional, forgives so easily and apologizes quickly. He speaks his mind (you guys know) and loves in fierce-mode only. If he says hard things you better believe it's for your good. And guys, HE LAUGHS AT MY JOKES! I LIVE to make him uncontrollably laugh. We rap and dance in the kitchen, we gross the kids out with our kissing and earth-shattering dance moves. I tolerate his loud 90s grunge and he tolerates my 80s pop. We have it good.
Pearl Jam meets Taylor Dayne.
Think we can't have it good AND hard? You're wrong. And we need to start being open about this.
If your marriage doesn't have hard parts, ok. I'm not gonna fight you and tell you that everyone's marriage has to be hard. But I do know the majority of the people I talk to about life recognize and are surprised at what marriage is. Let's take the surprise out of it, ok?
We Hutchinsons probably get a lot wrong, this BLOG probably got a lot wrong, but I'm ready to start talking about it even though I don't know how. I don't feel like I got my thoughts out correctly in this but it can be messy like my life.
This is JUST our story and I think even if we can't relate to one another, we can learn from one another.
I'm including the truest song and I want you to listen. Click on it now and think about things...
End note: If your marriage is hard (aside from ANY kind of abuse) it's ok.
A hard marriage doesn't necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong. If you commit to do life with another person (with all of their "stuff" and ideas about life and hurts and assumptions and past...and then all that changes and you start again) you'll have to work for it. But work produces muscles. If you need to change, then change.
If you've already tried it with someone and that relationship is over, there's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't ruin you, just take everything you learned, and move on. I don't want what we're saying to leave you feeling bad, I just want it to offer hope for those who feel like they're doing something wrong in marriage if it's hard. You aren't.
If you are a man or woman and are being abused, tell me. Tell anyone! Now! It's NOT ok.
If you are a man or woman and are being abused, tell me. Tell anyone! Now! It's NOT ok.
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