Today Asher has an eye appointment with a new Dr. (Leadingham) to check his vision for his yearly exam and address the problems he's been having in school. We want to make sure we aren't assuming it's epilepsy related when it's visual processing problems or something else.
For months he's been saying, "my eyes are healed, I don't need glasses." It's the first mention of healing he's ever made on his own and he's adamant.
We've encouraged him in this, gently reminding him that healing can come in the form of 20/20 vision OR God can USE his glasses as an instrument of healing. With either scenario God is still the same.
God is still Healer.
Isaac is better at talking about the miraculous healing of the body while I'm more adept (comfortable) at speaking on how God uses outside people, objects, medicines to sustain us as a means of healing. We both believe in both, but our brains are wired differently and we're constantly learning from one another. And we can speak on the subject as a family, with all different ideas on the matter, while coming together on the most important:
God IS Healer.
I'll be honest with you-a deep kind of unspeakable honesty-it's been hard for me. I want to encourage Asher's childlike faith while protecting him from hurt and disappointment.
Because part of me doesn't fully believe in healing,
even though I fully believe in healing.
(I believe; help my unbelief).
I want him to believe that all things are possible because all things are possible to those who believe, but healing feels tricky sometimes, right? We live in human bodies that fail. That's the temple God gave us. Maybe He gave us a progressively failing body so that we would fully rely on an unfailing God.
Not seeing healing the way you want to see it isn't an indication that God has failed, it attests to the fact that our souls reside in fleshly shells. That's it. We can exhaust ourselves being mad at God about that, or we can accept it and live each day a little closer to Heaven.
Not seeing healing the way you want to see it isn't an indication that God has failed, it attests to the fact that our souls reside in fleshly shells. That's it. We can exhaust ourselves being mad at God about that, or we can accept it and live each day a little closer to Heaven.
With Asher today, I'm mainly scared of ruining what comes naturally to him at this age: pure, undefiled by the world faith.
I also don't want him to equate physical healing with how much God loves him. To use it as a measuring stick. THERE IS NO MEASURING God's love. It's the most it ever will be and is immeasurable. "Most" isn't even a word you can use regarding God's love because it's a measuring word, but it's all we humans have to try to explain the unexplainable.
Childlike faith.
Not childISH faith.
I also don't want him to equate physical healing with how much God loves him. To use it as a measuring stick. THERE IS NO MEASURING God's love. It's the most it ever will be and is immeasurable. "Most" isn't even a word you can use regarding God's love because it's a measuring word, but it's all we humans have to try to explain the unexplainable.
I never want him to believe that pain and suffering
equate to apathy from God.
I think I'm trying to get to Asher's heart, soften the blow, before he thinks that way but God never asked me to do that. He'll take care of Asher's heart and use his questions to make Himself known. Each expected healing and the results thereof will act as stepping stones toward a stronger faith.
Today, I'm vulnerably asking you to pray with us that Ash sees God in this appointment however God meets him. To be honest, I wrote the beginning out planning on changing whatever I needed to change AFTER the appointment, to preemptively soften the blow of not receiving the physical healing Asher expects. But...I think I need to write to you openly, risking whatever it feels like I'm risking (I don't even know) because it's my truth and relationship with God isn't always understandable and explainable. That's ok.
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