To the brand new Christian: 11 things that I wish that someone would have told me

Ahhhh, brand new Christian, I weep with joy and excitement for you and for the kingdom of Heaven. 

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. Luke 15:7

In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. Luke 15:10

What I am about to tell you in this blog is scripture heavy because His word is wisdom. The most incredible, beautiful, wise words I've ever known or will ever know. Stories, poetry, songs, romance, humor, lessons, love, love, love...

I don't know if you've avoided salvation, mocked it, wanted it or dreaded it, but I celebrate with you right now!  While this is the most important decision you'll ever make and while it's an occasion to celebrate and be ecstatic about, there are some things you should know.  Things that I didn't know and it took me a decade to realize while making all kinds of assumptions and feeling all kinds of guilt.  

Sometimes we see salvation happen in you and we let you go.  We don't prepare you, we don't disciple you, we don't love you through the transition and I'm sorry.  I hope you have people in your life that will minister to you in this time and I pray you find a sweet church family that will surround you forever. There are some things you need to know and we sometimes forget to tell you. This isn't a complete list, just a few things off the top of my head. Here we go...

1. It'll still be hard. Life. 
(this is the biggie) 

Salvation isn't an instant fix all.  That's not even the point. 
We live on earth. 

With humans. 

Humans are mean, selfish and born sinners. 
Humans.  Ugh.  (oh wait, that's me)

When you say yes to Jesus, your life doesn't become void of troubles. For one, our souls reside in bodies which will wear out. Being a Christian doesn't exempt us from getting cancer or brain tumors or stomach viruses or depression.  Healing doesn't always come in the form of a holy cease and desist order. Sometimes God even needs our sickness to fulfill something amazing in those around us or to pull us closer to Himself.  If you're sick and praying for healing (which you can continue to do, always) and you aren't better in any kind of way you expected, you aren't *doing* anything wrong.  You don't need bigger faith, you don't need to send money to a religious organization, you don't need to DO anything. You can't make it happen faster and you can't make it look how you want. That's both maddening and a relief. 

See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this” (Isaiah 48:10).

(Read 1 Peter 4...amazing stuff relating to this topic)

Also, people will hate us and it will be hard, because we love to be loved and appreciated and validated. Not everyone is going to do those things, even withIN the church. Even if you do everything right, people at some point, will still hate you. 

and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. Matthew 10:22 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds. James 1:2

It will be more than hard, it will be impossible. But...

 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

It doesn't mean we aren't doing it right, it doesn't mean we don't have enough faith. It just means we're in something bigger than ourselves. 

He makes a point to tell us that He's giving us a comforter which means we'll need lots of comfort. We will hurt and we will run to Him. His spirit is also referred to as "advocate" and "helper" 

Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. 

John 16:7

2. The church is not perfect. 

There are jerks in church. 
Hypocrites. 
Annoying people. 
Trouble makers. 

Constantly you're going to hear, "why would I want to willingly associate with a group of people who are hypocrites? The church does this and that and I've been hurt and..." yeah...we all want to scream I KNOW WE SHOULD BE BETTER BUT WE'RE PEOPLE AND MAKE MISTAKES, HUGE MISTAKES, BUT WE NEVER CLAIMED TO BE PERFECT AND...

Nothing we say seems to make a difference. Because we're in defense mode, maybe. 

This one makes me bang my head against the wall.  It's complicated, ok?  We are called to be unlike the world, yet we are in the world.  So yeah, we aren't perfect.  And yeah...we are forgiven.  I used to have the keychain. *eyeroll*  BUT.  We can't constantly shout that at the world.  

Excuses, excuses. It's all they hear. 

Excuses, excuses. They make us feel better. 

The church is such a good place to practice being in the midst of jerks and hypocrites and the unlovable and loving them anyway. I know this because I am ALL OF THOSE THINGS and I am loved. We learn to love them so that we can go out into the world and love them out there, too.  If we can't even love those who love Jesus, then how are we going to love those who mock us?  Hate us?  Hate our children? Persecute us (truly persecute, not just saying Happy Holidays)?  How???? 

You got it...by loving who He loves which happens to be everyone in and out of the church. 


3. Grace isn't a big blanket you throw over your past. 

You may have come to Jesus all broken up and guilty.  Maybe you've done things that the world says are inexcusable. I know I did.  And I thought that when I got saved, grace was like a big blanket that God draped over my past and I was never to think of it again unless giving a testimony and that was only in an "I'm over that now" kind of way.  

That magical blanket had healing powers, so why didn't I feel healed?  Why did I still think on those things?  It made me feel like a fraud.  It wasn't until I was in counseling and he said, "you need to address these things. You don't necessarily have to find the root of all of your issues, but you need to talk about it." When I did, it hurt and it didn't feel good at first, but I found freedom eventually in truth.  Who knew? 

Maybe you don't need that, but if you do that's normal. If you do need to address it (and probably most people do), you can let God break the chains and then there's your testimony. What the enemy uses for bad, God uses for good.  There's not a THING in your past that can't be used for good.  Crazy, right?  It takes the power away from that thing, though which is amazing.  Transformative. 

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20

**I have heard a few people say that God immediately healed them from all shame and pain and bad feelings about their pasts. Can God even do that??  YES!!!  But He doesn't make everyone's story look the same. Seek Him and if you need to address those things then do it. It has nothing to do with your "faith level" which...is that even a thing?

4. We are ambassadors. 

We represent Christ on earth. *gulp*

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 2 Cor 5:20

There is a lot of going and doing in Christianity.  It's not something that you enter into like a club.  It's not showing up to church once or twice a week, it's action.  It's movement.  It's a body. What happens when your body is inactive all of the time?  Parts start to die. Yeah. Die. 

What happens when you exercise your body?  When you get your blood pumping and you're constantly stretching and pushing yourself to new goals?  LIFE! Also, movement tends to produce the desire for more movement and it creates energy.  Energy is good. 

We need energy in order to represent Christ to a world who has their collective hands over their ears. We need energy to stay up with them all night as they weep in our arms. We need energy to never stop loving and fighting for those who will never even come to Jesus. 

We need endurance, too, and guess what brings that on?  I myself want to cover my ears at the answer to this one...trials and suffering.  

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope Romans 5:3-4

Endurance...to character...to hope.  Which we need to be ambassadors. 

But we aren't alone.  We aren't each a body, we each make up the parts to *the* body.  Unity. 

**Read 1 Corinthians 12:12-the end.  This description of the body of Christ is so beautiful.  We need one another.  We all need to move with one another.  How amazing is that?

5. We're going to mess up. 

Like REALLLLLY mess up. Not just once.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

It doesn't mean we've fallen away from God and it doesn't mean we were never saved it means we just messed up. Temptations hit us all around and we have to learn to recognize those ways out He talks about.  Which won't happen immediately.  Trial.  Error.  Forgiveness. Begin again. His mercies are new every single morning. 

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

When we mess up in deed or attitude (ahem, Courtney), His forgiveness is everlasting as long as we ask. 

Speaking of...

6. Forgiveness is so important. 

We have to do it. HAVE TO. We have to forgive ourselves and others and not just at salvation but every day for the rest of our lives. 

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” ²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” Matthew 18:21-22

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25

7. You'll be working out your salvation your entire life. 

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling Phil 2:12

Give yourself a minute to figure it all out and by "by a minute" I mean "your whole entire life." But don't stop moving while you try to get it all right. Go, do, move, serve...figure it out along the way but don't stop and think you have to be perfect to do His work because no one is and if we all waited for that then none of us would ever move. 

Satan is real and he loves immobilizing you with whispers of fear, disappointment and unworthiness.  He doesn't even see you that way, he just wants YOU to see you that way because then you stop moving.  

8. It's not about you. 

I read a book with that title by Max Lucado years ago and it rocked my little Christian bubble until it popped.  I was all, "umm...what?  Then WHO is it about???" 

Well, He told me in someone else's voice in a book and it was the first thing I ever blogged about.  I basically just copied and pasted Lucado's words and was all, "wowwwwww, look you guys!" Yeah, my early blogging attempts were stellar.  

I always thought it was about me.  And you.  And you over there.  That God had a spotlight on my life as He had one on yours.  We were all the main stars.  How?  I don't know, I hadn't gotten that far, he's God ya know?  

Turns out good people, that it is NOT in fact about sweet little me. Or you. It's about Jesus. He's center stage.  He uses me, yes.  He loves me with an everlasting love, yes.  But it's so much bigger than myself that I can't even compute it in my brain.  It's also a freeing concept. It doesn't rest on me. It's already been done. 

9. People will throw Christian clichés at you like candy. 

In fact, sometimes they give them to you as if they're in the bible, but they aren't. Nor are they all true. Sometimes they're partially accurate, but you have to test every spirit.  

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1

I'm not saying everyone that throws a cliche at you is a false prophet.  Most of the time, they just don't know what to say but want to make you feel better.  But...some of these things that are meant to make you feel better just aren't true.  AND, they don't make you feel better. Go tell a mom that God won't give her more than she can handle after she loses her child and she may think "Yes. Yes he will."  

Sift everything anyone tells you through the bible and see what God says about it.  Wrestle with words that people throw.  It's important.  

10. Church walls are not nearly as important as you think they are.

Add to that denominations, city lines, borders between countries and anything else we use to separate ourselves even just a little bit. Who uses instruments and who uses voices only, who sings hymns only and who incorporates secular music into their set list, who has Sunday night services and who only has Sunday morning, who has church in their homes, who wears skirts instead of pants...oh the list is never ending.  

Your church is not the kingdom of Heaven and your pastor is not God.  Your denomination is not "right" and America is not the only country worth living in.  Wear jeans.  Wear skirts. Sing Don't Stop Believin'. I don't care. (Ok wait, I care. I want to go to a church that sings Don't Stop Believin')

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Philippians 2:1-2   

Koinonia.  Ya heard of it?  It's a Greek word and one of my favorite things. It's like a giant spiritual jack hammer to the walls those things mentioned above build.  Those things are there, so we have to learn to live, love and serve in them and ignore them. And pay attention to them. Sound complicated?  It doesn't have to be. 

"Koinonia is being in agreement with one another, being united in purpose, and serving alongside each other. Our koinonia with each other is based on our common koinonia with Jesus Christ." (I got that from gotquestions.org)

"UNITED IN PURPOSE" YES!!!!!!!! 

Basically, it's who we are to one another based upon our mutual relationships with Jesus not our denominations and church walls.  So strip all of that stuff away (stuff that is ok sometimes) and that's what we have.  How beautiful!  What a beautiful tapestry of woven together differences.  All on the SAME canvas.  God loves unity in diversity and we should, too!

This was on Wikipedia about the word koinonia: "The same bonds that link the individual to Jesus also link him or her with other faithful."Which could be with a member of a church across town, or a man who lives in Africa whom you've never met, or any Christian. 

I happen to see a lot of this happening in our area right now (a lot of coming together) and it's like "yes! Let's do this!" 

If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:6-7

We obviously (hopefully, please!) also have many relationships with people who aren't Christians, but the connection that comes from a relationship with Jesus isn't there.  That doesn't take ANYthing away from that relationship, just clarifying that God doesn't call us to ONLY converse with Christians. QUITE the opposite.  So much the opposite that I don't even know how to put it into words.  Love people, not just people like you. Don't sequester yourself away behind the walls of the church. 

11. Just go. 

How do we hear God's voice?  How do we know His will for our lives? I asked Pastor Steve this once and he said something along the lines of, "Get to know the rhythm of His voice.  How, you ask? Read His word. Pray and listen." The rhythm of His voice...something about that struck me.  We learn that by getting to know Him...knowing what He says and what is important to Him.  The rhythm of how He speaks. Beautiful!

Pastor Steve also told me that we already know His will for us.  He tells us in His word which we have to read to know.  A few examples: take care of widows and orphans, love the least of these, obey the ten commandments (and more), take care of your family, love your enemies.  We don't have to ask Him if any of these things are His will for us specifically because these things are His will for EVERYONE.  If we want to hear more specifically then we listen as we go.  As we move and do and love and serve.  

If we head in the wrong direction, He'll redirect us.  But we can't sit and wait to hear a loud, booming voice.  

Just go.  Do what you know is right.  Don't stop doing those things.  (And don't stoppppp believinnnnn'...ok ok I'll stop)

***

In conclusion, I want to say two things.  First, go seek and find this stuff out for yourselves.  I'm not a professional haha.  I don't have all of the answers (obviously you know this if you follow me on Facebook).  Never let words from a man or woman be the end for you.  Even if you respect them immensely and love what they have to say.  GOD is the only One with a say in this.  ALWAYS look for yourselves, in the word.  Always.  You can disagree with someone and still respect them, it doesn't have to end a relationship and it can be a great conversation.  "Hey you said this, but I read this in the bible and it seems like maybe your view on this and what the bible says isn't matching up.  What are your thoughts?"  Respectful conversation is always ok. 

Second, I'm going to share the two scriptures that have completely altered the course of my life.  I love all of His word and no word or phrase is more important than the other, but you'll encounter scriptures at a certain points in your life that just change everything.  Here are mine and I'll blog about them later:  

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."Exodus 14:14

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor 12:9

Pit

When you're at your worst, it feels so scary and lonely and dark. Like you fell into a dark pit and no one can see you. That no one will remember to come and look for you. 

But all it takes is one friend to jump into the pit with you and light a match...suddenly you can see. The darkness vanishes. 

You look around and as your eyes adjust you see all the people around you in that pit, while you thought you were all alone. Everyone else felt alone too because it was dark and they were afraid to speak up. 

The darkness flees when one person is brave enough to show some light. So like someone was the light for you, be a light for someone else today. Share a piece of yourself that is hard so that it gives someone else permission to do the same and taste freedom. People!  I have seen this in action and experienced it firsthand. 

Even if you can't share yourself just yet, encourage someone who needs it. Encourage as many people as you can this week! Tell them can do this hard thing. Help them get help if they need it and remind them there's no shame in needing it. 

Be the light!  

What if we were all lights today?  What would the world look like???

I used to hate Easter

I used to hate Easter. 

Not only are (specifically) peanut products everywhere but to add insult to injury, they're in the SHAPE of another of Ash's life-threatening food allergy (eggs...peanut butter eggs). 

Also, I'm bitter because I can't eat them anymore 😂

But. As his allergies have gotten even worse and we've added new anaphylactic ones, the people around us just rallied even more. Here are a few examples:

*You Facebookers who make sure I hear about all of the recalls and epi-pen coupons. 

*The entire kids area at church is nut and egg free. 

*The Youth group at church sells peanut butter eggs that are handmade and the proceeds go toward youth camp. TONS of $$ is raised. They now make these off site and the eggs never enter the church building. This is a HUGE inconvenience but all they do is continually verify that Asher is safe and never complain. Pastor Steve won't even let me feel guilty for a second. 

*The Care Group that we host at our home twice a month is learning and keeping Asher safe. I have to stop them from feeling guilty if Ash can't have something they prepare, when they try really hard. Soy. It's errywherr. Care Group is a good controlled learning environment for him anyway. "Eat this, not that. Ok, let me see you safely prepare your plate."  They are family. They are amazing. 

*My grandma has completely changed how dinners are prepared (and man, soy really threw us for a loop) Not all grandmas are so food allergy supportive. Asher has quite a few grandma advocates and that doesn't even count aunts, uncles, godparents, friends, etc)

*The preschool he attended made all of his food and made all of the food there safe. This was HUGE. 

*His kindergarten class has gone nut free and parents constantly text labels to me to read so that he's safe around their food. His teachers are in constant contact with me and even though it's normal to hear complaints, I haven't heard any. Even though I expected it and guarded and prepared my heart...nothing but openness to change their lunch routine.  A lot of kids won't even eat peanut butter on the weekends, they want to protect him so fiercely. I tell their parents, "oh no no they don't have to stop altogether!" but they refuse. What a compassionate, loving bunch. The parents are learning a lot about how awesome their kids are!

*Birthday party parents. 

You reading this know how hard it is to throw a party and how much goes into it. And yet they spend lots of text time with me (all on their own...we prepare for any situation but they take a lot of the guess work out without me even asking). Even when they're hosting a party for one of Asher's siblings, they verify if he will be there and make sure he has party food there that he can eat along with everyone else (and we always have a special cupcake 😉). 

There are times he can't attend something (like potlucks) but all of the can'ts are just working to build his character and build his compassion for others. God will turn the bads to goods and the bitter waters to sweet. Our parents' hearts want him to feel included always, but he's learning so much in realizing that life isn't always like that and that's ok. You just keep moving and maybe it'll work out better the next time. None of us are owed special treatment which makes it all they more sweet when people go out of their way. I pray Asher is seeing that. That it's soaking in even if he doesn't yet fully process it in his 6 year-old brain. It'll all connect one day in a love explosion. 

It's true that food allergies tend to take up all the room in your brain but you guys lessen the pressure. I don't dread Easter anymore (or birthday parties or school) so I'm throwing out a big THANK YOU that I hope you'll feel.  I can't always say it when I need to because it just reminds me that he could go out into the world on any given day, touch the residue of a pb&j and die...but when I feel the most strong I want to be the most vocal. 

THANK YOU, YOU LOVELY, AMAZING PEOPLE!!!

God is our justice

When you have been hurt and want the person to know and can't figure out how to make your feelings known and feel like making a proclamation to the world about it, know this:

He (our Justice, our Jesus) can convict hearts in ways we never can. Why? Because He created those hearts and knows the deep dark crevices that we don't know exist. He knows the WHY of the behavior and we only know the behavior. He knows where the pain originated which caused that person to hurt you. THAT is where true change happens. In the deep dark places that we don't even know exist in people and sometimes they don't either. You can't even touch that, so shake the dust from your feet and allow the One who CAN touch that to heal it. Freedom all around. 

Fight the urge to be passive-aggressive about it, sweet one. It makes you feel better but the ONE person that you hope "gets it" by reading or hearing your feelings is the ONE person that will NEVER be affected by your passive-aggressive justice. Let go of hoping they'll realize your thoughts are about them. They won't. And if they do they'll be offended by it anyway. So what made you feel better for a moment only serves to put more distance between you. It causes confusion. 

Let Jesus be your justice. He already is. Live and love in that. It's the best kind of freedom! His justice isn't about punishment but about healing. 

Go past the angry, hurt place and surrender the need to be the one to cause change by thoughts that are worded in just the right way. Entrust that person to Jesus, even if they don't know Him. It's the sweetest kind of love. 

Happy Valentine's Day/Love is Hard/Marriage/On Calling It Quits

I'm going to fully blog about specifics one day. I thought it would be Valentine's Day which is our 11th wedding anniversary but God won't let me. I keep trying to force it and that never works out for anybody. Before I begin I want to tell you that these are just OUR TRUTHS. If this isn't applicable for you that's fine. But I think we can all benefit from hearing one another's stories. 

So let me say this. I love my husband. And yet I told him a few weeks ago in the middle of a fight, "if anything ever happened to you I would never EVER do this (marriage) again." I can be SO sweet huh?❤️  

These kids ^^ didn't know what was coming. We didn't know that one day we would take a picture like the one below minutes after having a morning long blow up fight where I wanted to walk away. 

^^ we look happy right?  Pictures never lie *eyeroll*

I think because we joke so much on Facebook people get the idea that we're perfect and don't have problems. You're wrong. Facebook can be dangerous in that way because you don't want to be a downer. There is a fine line between being transparent and being positive. Facebook, as we all know, are teeny pieces of life. A highlight reel that we control and that's ok, as long as we recognize it.  

Marriage is so hard for us. And maybe we have it harder than some, I don't know, but we are two passionate, very different people trying to run a home, raise kids, serve in ministry, deal with swing shift, keep Asher alive and stay sane. We make co-pays rain like Al Roker up in here.  We are not only horrible with money but in two different ways. #jackpot  I am not the most typical/comfortable stay-at-home-mom and honestly we were all happier when that was Isaac's job.  

While there's no one I'd rather do this life with (truly) sometimes I don't want to be married (wow you're thinking, what a weird "happy anniversary" blog).  

God knew what he was doing when he didn't offer a way out of marriage when I just don't feel like it. Otherwise I would have divorced him twice over and he maybe would have left me more times than that. 

We fight. 

We become idiots. 

We can be hateful. 

I'm passive aggressive and sarcastic and he knows just what to say that will get to me and hurt me the most. After a fight is finished, Isaac is fine and all is forgotten. Meanwhile, I retreat and can't let anything go. 

And we're normal. We laugh A LOT. We have the kind of deep discussions on life that you dream of having with a life partner.  We pray and pray and pray some more together. He consoles me, prays for my many medical issues, and he supports my wild ideas. He pushes me to be better.  My comfort zone is a very teeny bubble and I don't travel outside of it unless he pops it and throws me far enough away from it that I have to stand up and deal with everyday life.  And then he walks to me and holds my hand. Reminds me of how God treats me...just the Christ-like quality Courtney Hutchinson needs in a husband.  

Annnnnnd, we've nearly called it quits twice. For real quits.  We've had a LOT of counseling. We've changed our theological views, birthed three babies, switched professions, deal daily with a life-threatening condition in a child and have lost more sleep than we've gotten. 

It's hard. And it's worth it. And it's fun. And it's passionate. And it's hard. 

We've learned more in fighting for our marriage, than resting in our marriage. The hard times have strengthened us for the future. 

We make love. 

We make babies. 

We make war. 

We make up.

We make it work.  

The good times are amazing (like, how did I get so lucky amazing) but the hard times come.  And they produce in our marriage a steadfastness. After so many times of fighting through it (or even just surviving it/waiting it out) I've come to really trust my husband. To learn him. To trust Christ in the mess. To say to myself, "ok we've been here before...worse than here...and not only did we come out the other side, we came out ALIVE! We can do it again." 

One perfect union from two imperfect people. It's a miracle. Truly. 

Your wedding may have been from Pinterest but your marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church which isn't all burlap, mason jars and pallets. It's hard. It's work. It's exhilaration. It's true, self-sacrificing, doesn't-take-into-account-the-inconvenience-of-the-lovER, agape love. We HAVE to start seeing it that way. If it's hard that's ok, you can count on it.  You can also count on support and dreams and being held up. Self-sacrifice is so important!!!  It doesn't mean you give of yourself to such a degree that you don't matter....it means that you give wholly while the other person gives like that, too.  

If each person gives 100%, then no one is taking.  

With Isaac, I see him being the kind of father to our children that makes me want to hit my knees in thankfulness. He's openly emotional, forgives so easily and apologizes quickly. He speaks his mind (you guys know) and loves in fierce-mode only.  If he says hard things you better believe it's for your good. And guys, HE LAUGHS AT MY JOKES!  I LIVE to make him uncontrollably laugh. We rap and dance in the kitchen, we gross the kids out with our kissing and earth-shattering dance moves. I tolerate his loud 90s grunge and he tolerates my 80s pop.  We have it good. 

Pearl Jam meets Taylor Dayne. 

Think we can't have it good AND hard?  You're wrong. And we need to start being open about this. 

If your marriage doesn't have hard parts, ok. I'm not gonna fight you and tell you that everyone's marriage has to be hard. But I do know the majority of the people I talk to about life recognize and are surprised at what marriage is. Let's take the surprise out of it, ok?  

We Hutchinsons probably get a lot wrong, this BLOG probably got a lot wrong, but I'm ready to start talking about it even though I don't know how. I don't feel like I got my thoughts out correctly in this but it can be messy like my life. 

This is JUST our story and I think even if we can't relate to one another, we can learn from one another. 

I'm including the truest song and I want you to listen. Click on it now and think about things...

Roll to the Middle by Sara Groves

End note:  If your marriage is hard (aside from ANY kind of abuse) it's ok. 

A hard marriage doesn't necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong. If you commit to do life with another person (with all of their "stuff" and ideas about life and hurts and assumptions and past...and then all that changes and you start again) you'll have to work for it. But work produces muscles. If you need to change, then change. 

If you've already tried it with someone and that relationship is over, there's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't ruin you, just take everything you learned, and move on. I don't want what we're saying to leave you feeling bad, I just want it to offer hope for those who feel like they're doing something wrong in marriage if it's hard.  You aren't. 


If you are a man or woman and are being abused, tell me. Tell anyone!  Now! It's NOT ok. 

Let Go of the Thing

This morning, Willow found the bigs' iPad and sat down in front of it. It has a case that she wasn't used to and the screen was locked. She kept trying to swipe it open and got frustrated. As she was trying to carry it to the chair, she fell and it fell and as she kept trying, she got more frustrated. Tears and sweat and screams, oh my!

I was saying, "Willow bring it to me. I can immediately solve this problem but you have to let me have it.  Mommy's got this!" 

Instead, she kept trying to do it in her own strength and her own knowledge. It wasn't working. Obviously. 

All she had to do was stop and bring it to her mommy. I didn't even have to THINK about how to fix it. She could have relied on my knowledge and my strength. But her toddler pride got in the way and she HAD to do it herself.  Even if that meant chaos. 

Do you know where that left her?  Exhausted. Frustrated. Angry. In a bad mood for the next thing in her day. 

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go of the thing.  Especially as adults when we don't always know WHAT to let go of or even HOW to let go. 

But when we look at Willow's toddler behavior, we can see that doing it on her own wasn't working for her. Her strength and knowledge and frustration was never going to open that iPad. Ever. Only her mommy could. It required no new knowledge or strength from me. It was second nature for me. Cake. 

So you know where I'm going with this, right? 

In 2 Cor 12:9 here is what we learn about God. It's the first scripture that completely changed my whole way of living and freed me up from holding on so tightly. 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Let go of the thing/situation/problem that you're holding onto. The only way I know how to do this is by taking your eyes off the problem (even if that means to stop focusing on fixing) and place them on Jesus. How? Prayer, reading his word and meditating on it, talking about His truth with your brothers and sisters, serving in His name, being His hands and feet, praying for others, etc. 

He needs you weak. Isn't that freeing?  You don't have to be strong so that God can work. In fact, see that scripture up there? He needs your weakness so that HIS STRENGTH can be perfected. 

All that to say, if you can, let go of the thing. You're getting frustrated and angry and all worked up trying to accomplish something you'll never accomplish anyway. You can pray, "God this is so big. I don't know how to let go of it. Help me trust you. Pry my fingers from it. Give me your peace and wisdom. HELP ME!!!" Be transparent and open with Him. He cares for you and He isn't scared or surprised a bit by your weakness. He requires it. 

You may have grown up with a parent who pushed you and always wanted you to be the strongest. Don't apply that parental mentality to your Heavenly Father. God is for you in a different way. He doesn't push for performance. He doesn't clap the loudest when you win. His arms are open wide no matter how hard you try.  And let's face it...a lot of the time letting go is harder than holding on. 

He's got you. Let go. 

I feel deep again. -Asher, 6

I'm taking a shower when I hear a little voice say, "mommy, I feel deep again."

I peek from behind the shower curtain to see Asher standing there all sheepish with his hands in his pockets. 

"What does that mean?" I ask. 

He looks down for a second. "Mommy, do you buhmember when you said I was deep?"

And then I did. Buhmember. He crawled on my lap weeks ago and said, "mommy sometimes I just can't sleep because I need to sleep by you. And sometimes...I miss you even when I'm with you. What's that called?"  

I swear good people, I'm not making any of this up. 

"Oh buddy, it just means you're deep. You feel everything really deeply and that's good, but it can feel hard. You have a lot of deep love in your heart." 

He just now popped in again and said, "mommy I still feel deep. And I want to go back to the old house."

Everything about my nostalgic, loving little man runs deep. I can't believe I get to be his mom. He's an intense little fella which is hard to parent at times but I wouldn't trade an ounce of his food allergy riddled, wild man, deep little self. 

He loves hard and unafraid and I want to be like him. I'm so scared to love deep, with my arms outstretched. I'm a runner. Intimacy leaves me cowering in inadequacy. I avoid. 

And look what I've created from this body that flees. A body that runs headlong into love.