Shut me up

As with all my blogs I started writing about one thing and ended on another. That is my writing flaw on anything longer than one paragraph. Flow...continuity. 

 Bear with me.

I realized today that I need to grow thicker skin. That means taking what people say/write (in response to me especially) sift through it for useful info and throw out the rest.  After-all,  that person has just as much of a right to say/write what they do as I have. I just need to learn to hear/read it and then move on.

But I'm a weenie.

While some people thrive on debate and heated conversation, I wither.

Sometimes I KNOW I should post something, even if it's sort of silly, but am so scared of how people may take it that I don't do it. Even when I'm just trying to be funny.  Even when I feel God is saying "write."  

It's why I try. I SWEAR TO YOU, readers, I try to only post as the Spirit leads.

Because either way if someone even politely disagrees I'm a sweaty, heart pounding MESS hoping and praying I respond in a respectful way that makes my Heavenly Father proud and makes the reader not feel attacked in anyway. I don't want to be proud of my wit, I want respectful conversation.  I usually end up having the conversation in my head while taking a shower and feel pretty proud of how I could have responded.  Yeah.  

So imagine when people are just jerks because they can be and argue for fun. I become a mess. Thank goodness I don't deal with that very often. 

But sometimes God calls us to be the unpopular voice of truth. I gotta be honest. I hate that calling. I don't want to be that.

The good thing is, though, that when I know my words are given by the Spirit at least I can be confident, no matter the lash back, I was meant to say/write those words.

I'm on Facebook a lot (as you know) and so I have times when I feel like I talk about God too much or I get scared that I'm shoving him down people's throats.  Both feelings one should NOT ignore.  In the midst of those feelings,  I need the reassurance that NO MATTER my feelings, I don't live by those. I live by the Spirit's urges and nudges. If I didn't know that, I could never post anything.  So, that is why I try really hard to post as the Spirit directs.  

(Let me say here, I don't give readers/responders enough credit. They're grown, they can ignore/hide me if they please right? But I have a certain responsibility to live the Word of God for those not reading it. I don't take that lightly)

It's not just the spiritual stuff but the daily goings on in my life. Is what I'm saying glorifying God in my life? Can people see the joy of the Lord that is within me in the midst of my Facebook post about morning sickness and Asher peeing off the porch and Zoe slamming her bedroom door and sobbing because I didn't listen to her "right"? 

 I hope so.

I miss the mark. Probably more often than I know, but we all do that. As we listen to His leading we'll get to know His voice and it'll be harder and harder to push it behind the voices of people, the media, Facebook, twitter, mom groups, evangelists, my own Pastor.

None of the above is my God, yet I've made them that -probably at points all- in the same day.

Lord, forgive me.

Help me.

I want my life to be a bright shining beacon for the lost. And not because of what I'm doing but bc of what You're doing in me. YOU ONLY.

Be. My. Words.

Invade my life.

Please.

Because I'm not strong enough to fight off technology and my fears. Sometimes. Most times. Always?

Be my strength.

Be my response.

Shut me up so I can speak only what is important.

I don't want to be yet another person in a long line of white noise.