Supernatural and normal (they're the same thing)

There are things in this world that are supernatural and the only reason we don't think of them that way is because we've gotten used to them being normal.  Think about the wind. HOW WEIRD IS WIND? We can't see it but we can feel it. It can be soothing and devastating. AND WE CAN'T EVEN SEE IT. But it's always been there and we've always treated it as if it's normal. Or the tide coming in. IT JUST KNOWS WHAT TO DO. WHAT?? When to come in, when to go out, as of the waves are obeying a conductor we can't see. HOW WILD IS THAT?  But we don't think about it, unless we're studying why. We know why, scientifically speaking. But WHY is there a WHY?

Sometimes we think (in movies or books) how wild it would be if we could fly or our bodies could heal themselves or the different species that could inhabit the earth.  Meanwhile, our bodies are capable of creating human life! The wildest things live at the bottom of the sea! The wind hits our face and we just accept what we can't see.  The waves touch our toes and then run back out to sea. The sun warms our faces without killing us.  We accept the wind, the waves and the sun but don't accept that someone could have made them?  That seems wild to me. 

If you don't believe in the supernatural, know that the supernatural is already all around us. It's too late to doubt.  Why do you doubt that there could be a supernatural God when there are things like the wind and trees and hummingbirds and flowers opening, leaning toward the sun. << I mean...that's odd, right? I won't EVEN get into the solar system. It seems wild that we could ever say for sure, "none of this matters. It has no meaning. These things are just science playing out on earth."  Ok but whyyyyyy????  If that's the case then why do we have talents and passions?  Why are we naturally good at things that don't promote the survival of our species? I am so comfortable in the questions. In fact, I like the questions and discussion more than the conclusion, often(most)times. 

I'll tell you something. Where science and spirituality mix and merge and swirl and dance is my favorite place. Science and the supernatural are so interwoven to me that when one group of people uses one to refute the other all it serves to do is weave them together even tighter for me.  It's a beautiful thing.  

I bet if you ask God to reveal himself to you today he will. Come on, think of it as a dare. Open up your heart and mind though.  Give yourself this one day to banish doubt either way and look at what's already here. Ask him "If you are the creator, show yourself."

Dry motherhood

Can I let you guys in on a hard truth? 

In November, I had to pray (again), "Lord, help me enjoy motherhood again. I don't like being a mom right now/this week/this month...longer..." 

Because I didn't. It was rare that I had a moment in the day when I thought "Ahhh this is the stuff...I love doing this." I seemed to yell more, I was irrational, the kids seemed to fight more, Willow seemed to need me harder. Seem, seem, seem. 

And that's ok. 

Then, the third week in December came in, quiet as snow. I had more patience. The moments of awe, where I couldn't believe that I got to raise these humans as they raised me (as we were all raised up by our Heavenly Father) were coming closer together. The moments where I just wanted to stop my three littles and do weird mom things like smell their heads (I know) or rock them like infants while I told them their birth stories. The moments when I looked at Zoe looking so grown and I internally crumbled as I erased a math problem and showed her how to fix it.  The moments when I looked at Asher's feet and thought to myself "those look like boy feet," and then I clipped his toe nails while he still let me be the one to do it. The moments when I rocked Willow to sleep and let the full weight of her rest on my chest as I smelled her baby...ok, toddler (sob) breath that still smells sweet on its own. The moments I nursed her and my heart exploded as I realized again, "this is the last one."

When outside of them, I'm thankful for the periods of dry motherhood because then I get these times when I feel close to exploding with noticing what I missed in the dry times, back when I couldn't WAIT until they were all asleep and I could stare into space. When I even felt resentment. When I thought, "this is life? THIS?"

*I mean, I'm still excited for when they all fall asleep, but it's with a feeling of refreshment instead of resentment. If that makes sense*

While in the dry (even resentful and angry) times, I try to remember it won't always be like this. But I think thoughts like "if I look back when they're older and yearn for these days it's only because I won't remember them accurately" and I feel mad at you for telling me this because you aren't still in these hard days. You're in other hard days. You don't know. 

But today...today, I'm ok. I'm more than ok. I'm overdosing on Willow's cuddles and looking at Asher's boy face and loving the fact that he still wants to discuss life with me and even HE still wants to cuddle. I'm relishing the few words left that he mispronounces (bemember, masketti, basagna) I'm watching Zoe beat her anxiety and playing with her hair as I think, "oh Zo, you're a young woman, I can't even remember you as a toddler." Then, I look at Willow and remember (sort of).  Today I'm finding it funny that when I tell Willow no, she throws her whole body back in protest no matter where she is, even at risk of her own bodily harm. If I stop her backwards body fling, she flings forward. It's funny. It's her strong-willed little personality and today it thrills me. Tomorrow, it may undo me, but we'll let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. 

There's a part of me that worries that even putting this into writing is jinxing me and the dry season will come upon me again when I hit "publish." But what I DO know is that much like every other area of life, the seasons come and the seasons go and they aren't all pretty. All we can do is learn lessons within each season and use them as fuel for the rest of our journey. Life is hard and life is stunning. And that's ok. 

*If you're reading this while cuddling your newborn and think, "I will NEVER feel like that toward my child" then just tuck these words away. Maybe you won't. But IF you do, you can remember you're in good company because it's the norm. Loving a little one into adulthood is hard work. Heart work. We lovers are warriors and sometimes we get tired and worn. It's why we so desperately need community (dare I say...a village). 

Dear The Church

Dear The Church,

I love you so much. You are judged so harshly, in ways that don't even make sense sometimes, from places of bitterness and hurt. And sometimes you are judged because the people that make you up are misguided or mean or power hungry. 

At times, we forget that you are made up of broken, real, hurt, forgiven, healed, scarred, imperfect people. All of whom find wholeness in Christ. If you look closely, you may see ugly. If you dissect motives and look through the microscope named suspicion you'll definitely see hard things. Human reality. Human beings. Humans...being. 

(If you're reading this and dissecting and looking so closely at The Church...pull back. Ok even further. Further. THERE!  Now, what do you see?  A beautiful tapestry of people all woven together. Diversity. Hints of Heaven. Blood, sweat and tears mingle within the patchwork so much so that you can scarcely tell where one history ends and another begins. Family. You see broken arms made straight in order to be able to lock together. Scars touching scars.  HOW GORGEOUS IS THIS BROKEN BODY STANDING TALL?)

Ok, back to you, The Church. What the world deems as bad (history, scars, mistakes) God uses within you for our good and for the very glory of God! I hate it that some people within the church have used those things against the people who enter your doors. It's not ok. I'm so, so sorry they've been hurt. I know it hurts you too. I promise to be gentle with them, to not simply say, "get over it." I promise to love them. To lay down my life for them. 

Love,

A scarred (but not scared) member of the body. A woman enamored with you.  A woman who will work hard WITH you. 

Ephesians 2:19-22 So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being  the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.

1 Corinthians 12:12-14 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body,  so it is with Christ.  For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body— Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many.

Your word

If you could choose one word as your theme for this year what would it be? I'll tell you why I chose my word now and my word at the end. 

Here is my why:

I feel like I've learned so much in the past few years. Things birthed out of hardship. I swear it sounds crazy but I am legitimately thankful for all of the hard stuff... the *really* hard stuff. I NEVER thought I'd say that, really. I mean, I hear other people say it and sometimes I think "wow, that's growth," and sometimes I think, "yeah right," and sometimes I think, "well it must not have been *that* hard then." Yeah. I'm really awesome sometimes 😒

Much of what I learned is just a part of me now...so much so that I can't even pin it down enough to write about it, although I'll try because I'm me and it's how I process.  

Mostly what I've learned is about just being ok. Riding the waves of life. If I'm anxious I let myself feel it and know it will pass. It doesn't ruin me. It would have before...ruined me. 

I'm not as scared of sickness and death. This one is hard to explain. A couple of years ago when an MRI came back abnormal, it nearly wrecked me. I couldn't live, I just sort of rocked back and forth and cried and raved. It wouldn't do that to me now. 

This summer, I thought I was dying. From lung cancer, or something to do with my swallowing and breathing. I think the panic began after thinking about Asher starting school with food allergies. Worries just piled on top after that.  I think I needed something to focus that nervous energy on. 

Doctor after different type of doctor was like, "you're cool." But I couldn't let it go. At night it got worse and I tried not to think of people watching me die. My thyroid was a little funny but it ended up being fine and when I got word of that, the chest tightness and throat spasms stopped. I just needed one more doctor to say, "you are ok," I guess. With the end of that, something changed within me. I realized how much I was living in my head. And that even if I was dying so what?  I had to come to terms with my own death. Which is another blog.  But even with all of the fear it was the first time that I just lived while feeling the panic. I moved along. I raised kids while feeling like I couldn't breathe and while my heart was racing so fast that it was hard to focus. I paid bills and ran errands and sat in the pick up line and talked to other adults as if I didn't feel like pulling the covers over my head and escaping. I just pretended like it wasn't there and lived life. I'd never been able to do that.  It was the first time that fear did not render me useless. I realized, "I can do this!  I can do it afraid!"

Those are lessons that are IRREPLACEABLE and can ONLY be gained by experience. Hard, dirty, gritty, excruciating experience. Experiences that happened over and over. One thing after another. 

One big one was when my hemiplegic migraines started coming closer together and stopped responding as well to my meds. Then while pregnant, I got a couple and had to cope with tylenol alone. It's something I didn't think I could handle. I don't know how or when but I decided to be as thankful as possible while having them. I would list things in my head that I felt thankful for the whole time. While it didn't take the pain away, it somehow changed my perspective and withstanding them became different. Not easier really, but sort of?  They were filled with gratitude. It's all I had to fight with and now that's what I do. With my medicine of course!

Ok, back to lessons and hardships. I'M THANKFUL!!!  I'm ready in 2015 and beyond to JUST LIVE IT. Just live the lessons and move. GO!

It's like I was in college for years. Now I take what I've learned and live it.  The focus isn't on studying and tests and classes, it's putting it to practice! What I do with the knowledge is the focus now. 

Before if I was in a big trial, it would have immobilized me. I would have been useless. Now God's teaching me to keep moving and not only that but to move in joy and peace and love. JUST MOVE. GO!

The lesson in that is the only thing I need. It's the biggest thing I've learned, ever. Not to be immobilized in hardship. The only way I got that lesson was practice. Intense trials that I have to be thankful for because look where I am!  Real trials and even trials I made up in my head. 

There are so many hard, hard things I've faced in the past few years. I won't list them because the bad side of pride lives in that list. The "look at me" side that I have to fight because I don't want you to look at the list and think "wow that's a lot" I want you to look at who I am now and think "wow that's a gracious God." I just know deep in me that posting the list isn't good for me. One day it will be. 

So I'm going to just go and live in the lessons. Learn more and live in those too!

My word? 

GO

Losing my religion

I feel like my whole faith journey has looked like a giant leaning jenga tower.

I built up this tower and I locked in the pieces where they were supposed to go fairly quickly. It all looked very structured and square and everything fit. I like everything to fit. 

But over the past decade, pieces have been pulled out.  Instead of addressing those pieces, I just pretended that my tower wasn't shaking. But three years ago, I started to question it all.  (Hint: it was a sabotage)

Imagine the pieces flying through the air.

As pieces flew out, I just pretended that's what I wanted; that was what I was after. But deep down I needed them filled. Deep down, I was losing it. 

I've always been what I assumed was a normal doubter.  Doubts went through my mind more than anything.  I figured that was ok as long as I spoke truth and came back to what I knew was true (and generally that's true), but in May of this year suddenly and out of nowhere I just quit believing.  I tried to pretend it was ok and for awhile my goal was to "fake it til ya make it" except...

I never made it.  

It forced me to stop and look at "it."  What I saw was that my faith (it) had always felt very shaky.  My faith was underneath that jenga tower that I had built. The tower that was always ready to fall, while I just tried to ignore the shaking and sort of prop it up with pick- up sticks.

While I knew that everyone doubted and how normal that was, I yearned for a steadfast faith.  The anxiety and depression and loneliness I felt in this season of trying to find God (again) in places I knew He was and doubted He was and ANYWHERE, was deep and I sort of just quit.  I questioned and then quit believing in all of it.  It was sudden and it was dark.  

It wasn't enlightenment. I didn't realize suddenly that I had been duped for the past decade or anything like that (that actually would have been easier and I could have been angry).  There was just...nothing. Nothing but anxiety and depression, that is. All around me I saw people who found it so easy to believe or to not believe and neither one was easy for me. 

So, where did all of this start?  It came on the heels of an 18 month period where every negative medical thing you could imagine hit me and hit my family.  Then anxiety hit our house.  And I've dealt with anxiety for a lot of years but this was 24/7/never a break, deep, deep anxiety.  Waves and waves of panic.  When I woke up, before I even remembered to be nervous, my body did and I woke up terrified, day after day.  My throat started spasming, my chest and back ached and I kept convincing myself that I was dying because of one of those two things (and a lot of other things).  I tried medication, which I said I'd never take again (after it messed up my liver years ago).  The meds made it about 1000x worse.  I had to go off of them.  I tried mega doses of Vitamin D, I tried meditation, I tried prayer.  I talked it out. I. Tried. Everything. One day it wasn't as bad as the day before and then eventually it eased off.  That's the short version. It pops up from time to time but nothing like what I mentioned above. 

As it faded, a deep depression hit that I can't write about yet and then the unbelief.  Boom. 

I kept thinking, I know what the Courtney of a month ago would have said.  She would have told me to keep speaking the things I knew were true a month ago until my feelings lined back up with my faith.  But then I would think what if faith isn't real?  What if God isn't real?  What if it's all just pretty words? And I thought all kinds of things that I won't type because I don't want to put things in your head.

I'll tell you something.  The ol' standby that we sometimes use that goes something like "if God is real and we believe, then we have everything to gain; but if God isn't real and we believe, what do we have to lose?" wasn't cutting it.  It's all either real or it isn't and I'm not a fan of that way of thinking.  IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  God is real, or He isn't.

Prayer felt wrong.
Worship felt wrong.
Church felt wrong.
Encouraging people felt wrong.
Writing about God like I had before felt wrong.

Wrong. 

Wrong. 

Wrong. 
Another thing going through my head was, assuming it was all "real," WHAT ARE WE DOING?  We sure don't act like we believe it's real or we would be going, doing, being, following.  I mean really going, doing, being, following, serving, loving...  We're just sort of playing church and getting mad about the stupidest things.  Focusing so much on "do they have a good children's ministry?" and "what type of music do they sing?" and "gasp!  he wears Chucks while he preaches, he must not take this seriously." WHAT IS CHURCH IF THIS WHAT WE FOCUS ON?  Church is SO much about me, I don't know how to separate myself out of it so that I can just be in the body.  I AM NOT THE BODY.  It was all about me.  ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.  No matter which way I would spin it, I would end up being the center and I didn't know how to make it not about me.  I know it's a process I'll be working out for the rest of my life, but I don't even know if I'm on the right track.  Seriously.  What I DO know is that when I focus on Him, I decrease.  More of Him, less of me (you know...you've heard it a million times...and it's true).  Don't focus on the decrease, focus on the increase. 

*Funny enough Jennifer started a bible study called Radical at this point and I went. Remember, no one knew this was going on within me. I left a few weeks so angry. It's all about how we can't just play church anymore. Look it up, it's enlightening.*
Because it was so dark, because I've always been filled with such apathy, during this time I was praying things like Lord, may the cloud of darkness lift and the light of truth and the gospel shine in and God, I have a heart of concrete, of steel... soften it, please!

Nothing.

I kept seeing pictures of clouds and mountains and babies where people would caption them with "how could you doubt God when you see THIS???"  But to me, that holds absolutely no proof of God when you're doubting His existence.  They're stunning, but it's nature.  It's just there and we decide what is stunning and what isn't anyway.  I know I sound like a real soft, sweet person, eh?

The only thing that ever made me take pause and wonder was thinking about this: 

When an idea would come into my head and I couldn't do ANYTHING else until I furiously typed and my heart beat faster and at the end I was exhausted and happy and content. And when I read it back later, I didn't even remember writing half of it and it affected me fresh like it did anyone else. That made me think, "what is that within me?  Who put that there?  It has nothing to do with survival, it's not an instinct...it's a gift.  So, who is the giver?  And why is it painting for some people and math for others, while other people come alive while counseling people and still others when designing clothing or taking care of animals?"

I couldn't just let it go. I had to resolve it, because it was too scary to not know. I couldn't believe. I couldn't not believe. I couldn't just rest and let it come...I had to seek!

A scary thought was who am I without Christianity and religion and Jesus?  It's been my whole identity for a decade.  What would I look like without it?  I couldn't get past the thought to the answer. My entire life had been built around it.  It.  I built a Christianity Jenga tower.  Yikes. That cut deep.

Jesus was about to come and bust it up.  Obliterate the jenga tower.  Turn it over like he did the moneychangers' tables in the temple. Little did I know He had been the one pulling out the pieces all along. 

This Courtney built tower had no place in my life. I needed a body, not a manmade structure.  

I have always (like David) listed off my troubles to God and ranted and raved about them. Then I read this blog and it was the start of changing everything: When God Does the Miracle We Didn't Ask For  (I'll probably blog about that separately it was so life changing...it's a whole other story)

I began having visions, even as I doubted and maybe I'll share those one day.  I fought against them because saying "I am having visions" sounded so...holy roller. The kind who roll for the sake of appearing holy. But it wasn't that. It was real. 

Then...

I woke up one day, read Psalm 16 and it was over.  That fast.  That unexpectedly.  That God.  I walked outside and it smelled differently that I've ever smelled the outside.  It's like I could smell all of the good smells of late summer separately  (cut grass, sweet air, the water hose, cool water on hot concrete) while smelling them all together.

I don't know what was in that Psalm that my soul needed to connect with but I don't even care.  I don't feel like I've ever felt before, it all feels new.  I began again. Everything is so solid now. And I didn't create it!  Truly, I would have made it much more dramatic than that. At the altar, bowing down, the spirit would come upon me and BOOM! the whole church would feel it too. God said, "nope." It came on a regular morning, in between texts with a friend while I was drinking coffee. 

You Will Not Abandon My Soul

A Miktam of David.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;

    I have no good apart from you.”

As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,

    in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;

    their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out

    or take their names on my lips.

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;

    you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

    indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;

    in the night also my heart instructs me.

 

I have set the Lord always before me;

    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

    my flesh also dwells secure.

 

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,

    or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;

    in your presence there is fullness of joy;

    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

For me, it's always been a knowledge thing. While I always acknowledged His Spirit I used it for my own agenda. I always struggled with intimacy, but after I read that Psalm, it was an intimate soul/Spirit thing, too.  We need both and it only took me THIRTEEN YEARS to connect them.

And now I begin again...


******

And that's where I stopped typing...until Sunday. 

The day started with my first spiritual Facebook post in months (ha!). Worship was so deep and I could feel it in my chest. Deep. I went to the altar and laid down. I opened up and His Spirit came in. I can't explain it any other way because no words can explain it. And it's not that His Spirit hadn't always been there. It's just in that moment His Spirit whispered to my soul, "I'm here." And I broke. 

I kept singing, "Pour out your spirit on me/Remove me from me."

Then Pastor Steve came up and said to God, "POUR OUT YOUR SPIRIT ON THIS PLACE.  POUR INTO US!"

And my song changed to "we pour out our lives to you, pour your spirit into us." I told God that I knew He didn't need permission to come but we wanted Him there. I think He wants our unneeded invitation.

From there everything I was praying in my head, Pastor Steve was saying into the microphone. It was wild!  Finally I was at a point where I wasn't begging for signs of authenticity and God was pouring them all around me anyway!  Ha!  

So it's over. It's just beginning. At the same time!  I can't believe you stuck through that whole blog and made it to the end/beginning. You deserve a medal. And Isaac deserves a vacation for living it with me hehe

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

1 Peter 5:10 

If you love to hate on bad grammar, you're safe here

JUST KIDDING YOU'RE NOT SAFE! Muahahahahaha 

We need to get past the MEAN grammar/spelling nazi jokes. I'm married to one of the most genuine, deep, loving, spiritual, wordy men in the world.  

Howevah. 

He spells like an angry pirate and his grammar is so unexpectedly wrong sometimes it makes me sneeze. I'm allergic to it. NO PUNCTUATION ANYWHERE. EVER!!! Somehow he even SPEAKS with incorrect spelling.  

It's why God placed us together in this union. He is deep, I get to proofread what he writes. I love it. Lerrrrrrrv it!  I can't get enough of editing and rearranging while he isn't even programmed to care. 

Listen, if you disregard what someone writes on social media because they use loose instead of lose then your the one missing out. Sea what I did their?(Y'all gon make me loose my mind up in hear up in hear.) 

I know it's a joke, and I love the funny memes, too, but I think they're setting us up to be grammar loving tools. 

I mess up often and it bugs me. I have to change it when I catch it, or the twitches set in, but that's on me. I would never put that on someone else. (Psst. I don't always catch it. I love commas too much, there I said it.)

There are people who have amazing things to say and we don't see because we're so proud of taking our metaphorical RED pens and slashing up their message so much that all we end up seeing is RED. Literally... figuratively...metaphorically.... stupidly...dotdotdot...dotdotdot...

Try not to be an angerball about it, k?  

When all is said and done, I can't make out with grammar, but I CAN make out with Isaac. Soooooooo, I choose him!!!

I Think Your Karma is Broken - The Attitude of Karma

I feel like the idea of karma just enables bitterness in peoples' lives.  I'm talking specifically about the negative kind (karma: action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad). The ATTITUDE of karma. Regardless of what you believe about the existence of karma, I see via social media how people think it should serve them: revenge.  

The tone taken when writing about it is like acid just jumping off of the page. And you hear it a lot, right?  How karma will get 'em because of how bad they are. Then does that mean if you're a good person you'll get good things, because that doesn't seem to be the case. 

I think your karma is broken. 

It's normal to experience hurt and then have the thought "I wish that person would get something horrible in return," but you need to immediately decide what to do with that thought. Who is that hurting anyway?  Who does that affect?  You. You!!  

Some really good advice is found in 2 Cor 10:5 where it says "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." And what should we do with our words? 

The apostle Paul wrote: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6).

And our thought life?  

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

(Philippians 4:8)

Do you understand the amazing power of forgiveness?  

I'm not talking about letting someone continue to hurt you I'm talking about letting go of the bitterness that is killing your own spirit. Stop holding onto it by wishing bad things for people who have hurt you. You're running in circles and wearing yourself out while nothing gets accomplished.

That smirk on your face - as you spit the word KARMA out - that is supposed to show the world how much you don't care is a thin veil that only accentuates your pain to the world. And I'm sad for you. I just want to hug you and explain that you aren't responsible for vengeance. It's too heavy for you to carry. Way too heavy. So heavy that before you realize it, it has descended upon you so slowly that you're too far gone to crawl out from beneath it.  You have to let it go. All or nothing.  

Wanting bad karma for others and extending forgiveness cannot co-exist. 

*Karma is a cover for lusting after revenge.  

*Forgiveness covers the need for revenge.

Stop wishing karma upon people. God takes care of that. He has declared that we shall reap what we sow. Look...it's right there in His Word:

Galatians 6:7

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

Job 4:8 

As I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same.

2 Corinthians 5:10 

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

Proverbs 26:27 

Whoever digs a pit will fall into it, and a stone will come back on him who starts it rolling.

So you can let go of it.  You, who were in a bad situation due to another person's actions.  That situation, that pain, is not worthless. When you forgive in the face of it, that's when you know you're above their mess! Outside of it! Growth!  Maturity!  You're doing it, keep going!!  Lots of exclamation points!!!!

When you wish the best for people, you wish the best for our world. You wish the best for the world of our children. YOU become a better person. And if you can't wish the best for them at least pray for their hearts to be softened, then turn around and walk away. Which will benefit all of us! Baby steps. 

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A final thought. Don't pray the above scriptures over someone else. That they'll reap what they sow. God is dealing with that person. Don't hope for it. Those words are YOUR lesson. Pray it's not your future to reap a bitter, angry, vengeful, hateful life. Those scriptures aren't about the other person, they're always about you. About me.  About the person reading them. They're personal. 

Karma, the way we use it on Facebook and in funny memes on Pinterest, is a lie. Move past it, it's only hurting you.