I was flipping through (as I do again and again and again) Sailing Between the Stars by Steven James and I came to this part that gets me every time. Instead of trying to explain it, I'll just post this page. He's talking about a time in his life when he's trying to figure out pain and its purpose...or lack of purpose. All of Steven James' words are in red bold. I'll underline the parts that stood out to me and taught me a lot, as I did in the actual book.
It was all very sensible and logical. I kept reading and rereading those words, thinking, Okay, then why the heck don't I feel any better?
I think it's because even when we have an answer or an explantation, it isn't enough. It'll never be enough because it isn't our reason that's suffering; it's our souls.
Pain isn't a premise to be argued. That's why God didn't send us a syllogisms, but a Savior--one who stepped into the center of our pain and allowed the wounds of the world to be poured into his own heart. God's love is greater than our pain. His grace is deeper than our heartache. And he knows firsthand how hard life on this earth can be.
Whatever his reason for allowing suffering, God understands what we're going through and can intimately identify with our questions. He experienced the worst the world had to offer, and now he offers to heal the bruises on our souls with time and grace and glimpses of his love.
Is this the final answer to why we suffer? Hardly. I don't pretend that it is. But God never auditioned for the role of Answer Giver of the Universe because most of the time it's not even answers that we want. We want the pain to stop. Or we want a reason big enough to believe in to help us persevere through the tough times. Or we want a companion by our side to maneuver with us through the potholes of life.
That was the part that really got me (we don't want answers really, just just want the pain to stop). I'll finish this up with the rest of what he has to say about it, which is awesome, too.
So in the end, I'm left with three choices: 1) I can give up on God and tell my heart that he doesn't exist, that he couldn't possibly exist, that life really is as senseless, random, and pointless as it so often appears. 2) I can believe that God does exist but is either too impotent (powerless) to stop the suffering, unaware of the suffering (foolish), unconcerned about those of us who suffer (apathetic), or just plain out to get me (malevolent). None of these kinds of Gods would be worthy of my worship or my life.
Or, 3) I can cling to the belief that God really is in control, and really does love me, and really does work good out of both the joys and the hardships, the rights and the wrongs of this world. I can keep leaning on the invisible arm that has supported me in the past and trust that the one who can shape a star on the tip of his tongue can also shape blessings out of my pain.
Logic only leads me to the place of making a decision: will I believe more in my circumstances or lean more on his love?
In some Christian circles the following verse is used as a cure-all for anything, but the truth that lives in these words is truly powerful and soul-altering: "We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28) I believe that God can take each of our choices and weave them together into a beautiful symphony. Even those choices that are notes out of tune can be orchestrated in his hands into something beautiful. But the score is still being written and the final concert has not yet begun.
Without God's story at the center of the puzzle, without the overarching narrative of harmony, rebellion, sacrifice, and eventual restoration, we will never be able to make sense of the pain and glory of life. Hints of his love glimmer in the darkness. The heads of wheat sway in the breeze. A girl sings in the candlelight. A father baptizes his daughter. A lamb cries out from a wooden cross. A man takes the hand of his dying wife. A deity weeps 107 times a minute. A king dances along a golden street singing my name.
I am nothing-- how could I ever find the answers? I will put my hand over my mouth in silence. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say.
There is a pic on Pinterest that says "one day this pain will make sense to you." Sigh. I didn't believe it, but it was pretty and a pretty thought. A hopeful one. One that I can now see can be true, but not always. Sunday during worship, Jen was talking about how it may be winter for you now, BUT SPRINGTIME IS COMING! You may not be able to see it, but it's there! God is with you in the winter as much as the spring. He speaks to you and holds you in both places.
I speak to you from a place of flower-blooming, fragrance-filled, dancing-through-the-fields, cartwheels-for-no-reason-Spring-time. I'm still going through stuff but it's different here in the Spring time. I look back through the pages of my pain and I see now that I HAD to go through it to get here. Otherwise, I would still be numb. That pain DID have a purpose, Pinterest! You were right! And not only you, oh wise time waster of the internet, but GOD said it. First. I'm sure I have a winter coming up, but after you've been through the seasonal change from winter to spring, maybe JUST MAYBE winter won't be so bad because hope can be found there. Maybe my first winter was to teach me HOW to hope. I don't know...
Below are just a few examples of pain and suffering and what it means for Christians (and proof that pain happens, you can expect it) He disciplines us, the world hurts us, we hurt ourselves... there is plenty of time of pain, but when we persevere, we are taught endurance.. And wee will find ourselves IN HEAVEN ONE DAY! The most amazing thing to ponder EVER. Keep going. It won't always be like this.
2 Cor 4:7-11
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. 8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;10 always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 11 For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12 Sodeath is at work in us, but life in you.
2 Cor 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Romans 5:3-5
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Hebrews 12:10-11
For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
2 Cor 4:17
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison
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