Ephesians 3:17-18

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,

I read this scripture in a devotional I got this morning (haven't read it yet, didn't get past this scripture) and my mind was blown. My mind was open.  My mind was blown open.  ARE YOU GETTING IT?  Something suddenly made sense.

When we want to show a person how to let go and find our loving God, we CAN'T start with "you did this and this is why you need to be forgiven, so that God can love you.  You are dirty and need something to clean you, so that then you can be loved." It's not true, God loves you now.  Period.

Instead we should start with "JESUS LOVES YOU, HE DIED FOR YOU, HE DIED FOR WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW, EVEN IF YOU NEVER CHANGE.  EVEN IF YOU NEVER LOVE HIM, HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND HE WILL NEVER CHANGE HIS MIND."

Let's show them His love FIRST, tell them they are loved FIRST, get that in their heads FIRST.  So that above all else, they are rooted and grounded in LOVE.  They will always fall back on HIS LOVE instead of THEIR MISTAKES.  Present love first, because that is what came first.  He didn't create our mistakes, then a body, then love us.  He knit us together, He held onto us while forming us, loving us by creating us.  He wasn't thinking of our mistakes or how we would disappoint Him, He was just loving us.  ARE YOU GETTING IT?

When Zoe messes us, I want her to then run to ME as her mommy to love her and tell her it's going to be ok. I don't want her to run back to what she has done to find comfort there.

Undo them with His love and then tell them the rest of the good news.  That they can die to themselves right now, and rise up a new creature.  Literally the person they were before is gone.  A NEW CREATION growing in the soil of love.  God created us and after Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, He knew He would have to do it again by sending His son.  And He still stuck around.  He isn't leaving.

2 Cor 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the                       old has gone, the new has come!

Romans 12:1-2

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

He loves you in a way, we cannot comprehend, so FULLY and holding nothing back.  What would it feel like if we accepted it?  

Be rooted in His love because that is where you will find the strength you need to press on.  

Much love,

C

Beautiful and Confident

So this class on Mondays at Celebration is messing me up.  In a good way, but messy nonetheless.  The problem I have is that I've always known that God made me beautiful but how do I see myself that way?  I feel scared to start stripping away my defensive jabs at myself.  What will it feel like to not put myself down daily?  Hourly?  Minute by minute?  What will I be like then?  

I don't know.

It's not just about physical beauty but how you tear yourSELF down, too.  Depending on what you've done in your past, what you're doing in your present and how to let that go.  How to look in the mirror and see the YOU that God made, not the you that you have made.   And let me be clear, I would make a terrible God.  I can't make beauty like He can.  NO ONE can.


We talked about confidence and hope yesterday and were challenged to do one thing this week in an area of our lives where we aren't confident.  I already did mine!  At the end of class, I shared my fears about stripping all the negativity away and beginning from there.  I'm so scared to talk to a group of people and just feel either a) stupid or b) that people will think I'm trying to get attention by speaking up.  It's exhausting, but I've got to beat it.  And that's the thing.  Why do we do this to ourselves when it's so exhausting.  It would be easier to just accept who we are in Him and move on.  We are holding on so tightly to things that make us unhappy and it just doesn't make any sense.  


I've tried for years to just convince myself and accept the fact that I'm not pretty or the right size or smart or confident or that people don't like me because then it would be easier.  I just tried to accept it and live that way.  But God wouldn't let me and that's why it always pops back up, I guess.  He knew I would be in this class now and let me just say THANK GOD FOR THIS CLASS.  


There is hope for a future where we as women can be confident.  I'm hopeful.  I'm scared, but I'm doing it anyway.  

Whatever You're doing...

There is a song that I've heard here and there but never really paid attention to and suddenly, it's really getting to me.  I love when that happens!  It happens with the Word of God, also.  I may have read a scripture 100 times (literally) and suddenly it has new meaning or I see it's true meaning.  There is a time for everything, after all...


I don't know what to do with this blog but just post the lyrics to Whatever You're Doing by Sanctus Real.  Sorry if any lyrics are wrong, I just copied and pasted from a lyrics site.   But the gist and overall feeling of the song is what I'm talking about.  Specifically "whatever you're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace."  2011 has been my internal chaos.  2012 is bringing the peace.  Chaos because I'm finally learning who God is and IT IS INTENSE.  Intensity has always been bad for me.  It was hard to step back and say "oh, ok this is intense but in a good way."  That was the chaos part.  The peace part will be taking what I've learned and feeling Him leading me, quieting me with His love and then walking in that knowledge.  (ssshhh, I don't want to do it...I'm scared so I'm going to need that peace more than I need air)


2011 was a year that we had to walk away from a church where Isaac had been his entire life and where I had been my entire spiritual life.  It was so hard because we didn't feel led to leave, we just felt so obviously called to Celebration.  We felt a little torn, but the calling to Celebration was SO strong that it hit us before we even walked in the door.  So many things happened this year that were hard for us that I can see God's timing in this.  He knew we needed to be with the spiritual family He had for us NOW before these things came to pass. I thank Him (like, on my knees thankful) that He made it so obvious and the transition so easy.  We needed to be with them when our walls started to crumble.  We needed to be at THIS church starting in January of 2011 and put all of our passion, talents, love, into this part of the body of Christ.  


I don't know where to go from here, but I never do.  Sometimes you don't see the direction you're supposed to walk (or run) until you're in the middle of the fork in the road and you have no more steps before you have to make a decision.  BUT KEEP WALKING until it's clear. NEVER stop moving.  (Also, it's never too late to turn around.) You can wait on His voice while you're walking in the general direction.  And if you don't know the general direction, do what you know is right and good.  Be a good person, help out and smile :)  So many times we hear salvation and knowing God isn't about being a good person, and it's not...what it's ALL about.  It's about surrender, forgiveness, love, passion, purpose, reflection, righteousness, a ton of other stuff and...goodness.  Jesus is good.  And to be Christ-like we need to be good.  So don't leave that part out because you hear so many times that's not what it's all about.  


Ok that blog just went out of control like they all do.  Here are the lyrics.  Maybe they'll speak to you, too?  Any questions about Celebration Church, you can find at celebratesomethingreal.com or by asking me.  I've never been in a place so intent on loving you (whether you want it or not) and serving.  Serving Christ, the community, members of the family, people they don't know, people who are hateful toward them.  Love and serve.  Wow.  


It's time for healing time to move on 
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong 
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me 
All I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever you're doing inside of me 
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To... 

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
TIME TO BREATHE IN AND LET EVERYTHING OUT
THAT I'VE WANTED TO SAY FOR SO MANY YEARS
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me 
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me 
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me 
It feels like chaos but now I can see 
This something bigger than me 
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house 
Time breathe in and let everything out

Sometimes it's nice to feel hungry

I was thinking about the Rocky Top's cheesesticks coming my way in about 2 hours and wanting to be stoked about them, but I'm full.  I'm still happy they're coming, but it's not the same feeling as if I was starving.  


It's hard to anticipate something when you're already filled up with something else.  

Hunger sounds like something you want to avoid.  You don't want to be hungry, right?  But I was thinking, I don't want to be filled up with food I don't even like (a substitute) when driving to eat sushi!  I wasted all that time, energy, money...er, room...on a whole bag of cheetos when I could have been hungry for a while longer and been able to enjoy what I was anticipating:  SUSHI!

The hunger actually makes the Godzilla Roll worth it.  So, of course I'm going to relate this to God.  Didn't see that coming did ya? (I hope you caught that sarcasm because I was laying it on prettttty thick.)

I don't want to fill up with the world when I'm hungry because it's easier to ingest than God.  

Substitutes that make me feel better for a time make the ultimate prize less sweet.  TO ME.  Of course God could never be sweeter or less sweet than He is right now, He rolls like the littlest bear's porridge.  Yeah that was lame, but it made me giggle.  So, it's ok to feel uncomfortable for a season when you know what is coming.  It makes getting there and so much more worthwhile.

This was rambly TO SAY THE LEAST, but at least it's outta my head haha!

Lessons from a child

This happens A LOT!  When the kids are playing and paying no attention to me or fighting some battle with me and I stop because whoa.  I just got schooled...by someone who doesn't even know algebra!

Zoe was doing homework and she kept messing up on purpose, just so she could erase her mistake and do it again.  I was getting so aggravated (I wouldn't make a good God, huh?).   I started to think about why she was doing this.  It seemed so backwards and was taking up so much time that could be better spent, I don't know PLAYING!

2+2=7  Oops, no.  Erase.  2+2=4  Bingo!

Uuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhh, GET ON WITH IT, ZOE!  Suddenly, I had the ol' "ohhhhh" moment.   I think I do this, too.  Except with my life and with God.  Sometimes I mess up just so I can erase the mess I've made, make it all neat and tidy and start over on the eraser bits of my past.

Why?  It seems so counterproductive.  It's because I'm a self-sabotager.  If I know something is good for me, before I realize it I've gone out of my way to make sure I don't do that thing.  I don't even know what this is about.  Like with Zoe,  I want to grab her hand and make her do it right the first time, because SHE CAN!  I get sick of saying "focus Zoe" because it's not that she has a problem with focus, it's she not using it.

And well... I CAN!  I can do these things that I think "normal" wives and "normal" moms do because they need to be done.  Instead, I convince myself I'm just not that woman.

I can be that woman.

And I'm not talking about that woman, Miss Super Mom doing every activity under the sun and running every school event.  There are some moms that thrive in that environment, but I wither.  So I won't run in the direction of something that won't also be fun. But, I can do more than what I'm doing, period.

I'm sick of messing up so I can say "see, I just can't do it" and then I end up doing it right the 2nd time AFTER I've proven I can't do it.  Oh people of the blog world, I AM INSANE!

Yesterday 2011

September 11, 2001 I was at Marshall, in between classes in the student center.  Everyone was gathered around the tv and I thought "how horrible, a plane probably carrying tourists taking pics just ran into a big building."  I'd never thought of the World Trade Center, except while looking for potential jobs in editing, there were many offices there.

I left feeling a little shaken for the loss of life, but that was it.  I left town, drove a few hours to judge a cheerleading try out with a friend and when we got to the school, we saw the television.  During that drive, everything had changed and I didn't even know it.

Looking back, when people said "it's terrorism" I didn't even really know what that meant, nor did I know to be as scared as I should have been.  I didn't know it could mean war or what war could even mean to me, as a 20 year old American.

I was single, focused on getting through school, knew no God and was suddenly scared about what all that meant.  What did anything mean.  I couldn't wrap my mind around the estimates of the loss of life.  I don't even remember being scared that more would happen.  WHAT MORE COULD HAPPEN?  4 planes, hijacked, such staggering loss of life.  I remember hearing 50,000 people presumed dead in one area of NY.

On the drive back home, there were cars, 20 in a line to get gas because there were rumors on the radio that it would jump to $10.00 a gallon by morning and continue to rise after that.  All the way home, I had an irrational fear that someone had put something in my gas tank or someone was hiding in the back of the car.  Even though I knew no God, I was playing some type of spiritual music on the way home, whatever I could find on the radio.  Pleading with SOMEONE to make this all stop, it was too much already.   That night was the start of my journey that led me to Christ.  I didn't necessarily believe, but always had something in me that said "i was created for..." and if I was created, who created me?  I can't explain it, but that was a night I couldn't ignore the fact that if I had a loving creator, I wanted Him RIGHT THEN.  And still it took weeks for me to find Him and rest in His love.

The next morning in class, everyone showed up.  No one knew what else to do or where else to go.  One girl was from Jersey City and she couldn't get in touch with her family and she didn't know anyone else.  It was Sociology class at Marshall or sitting in her dorm with no contact.

I (like everyone else) could not tear myself away from televisions.  I would stay up all night and watch people take cameras through what was once their apartment, now covered in a foot of ash and who knows what.  They had no options.  They couldn't stay and they couldn't leave.  After I saw the first living body fall from the towers on live TV, I would turn my head away (and still do) when there is a close shot of either tower.  I can't see that again.

Something that has struck me on Facebook especially is that even though a lot of the people that post anything about never forgetting were not even old enough to remember.  Some, maybe 4 or a little older.  Zoe's age.  And yet, 9/11 is a part of their lives and they feel it as much as I do.  That is how connected such a horrible tragedy made us.  It's in them to feel it too, even though they weren't physically present at the time.

I don't remember who explained terrorism to me or what it meant for the future, but I think it was mostly in the rumors.  Especially the ones where people were saying we live in an area with all of these power plants and if anything nuclear were to happen, this is where it would start.  I didn't even question if that was true, just believed it because it felt better to put my fear somewhere else.  It was the first time, i really felt vulnerable in my safety.  I was a wide open target because we all were.  And the night before 9/11/11 I was scared in the same way.  What if it starts again?  I was up all night, worried.

Now everything has changed and I'm not even sure we realize it anymore.  We're more connected yes and I'm proud of that, but I can't help but wonder if that was worth it.  It's not.  I want to be connected, but I want all of those people back more.  I've watched 9/11 coverage again this year for the first time and there are a few things that I grasp now that I could not have at the age of 20.

1.  The people in the towers had NO IDEA what was going on.  And when they got to the lobby, to what they thought was freedom, they witnessed a scene that looked like it was out of an end of times horror movie.  What must they have been thinking? Did they think the whole world was like this?

2.  I can't even imagine what it was like to lose so many service men and women.  Whole fire stations gone.  Families forged, GONE.  It's something I never thought about as much as I am today.  When one was lost, saving us, it was horrible for them, but over 300?  How could they even process that?

I have no conclusion, just wanted to share some thoughts.  It's not everything I'm thinking, I just can't write anymore about it.

Thoughts on Genesis 3

^{I was reading Genesis 3 and a few things jumped out at me.  Nothing really big or life altering, just thoughts...}

 

¹Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made.

   

   He said to the woman, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?" ²And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, ³but God said, 'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'" 

 

So, the serpent made her repeat God's words back and she KNEW the words and what He said.  She even repeated them, but was STILL able to be taken over by the enemy.  It should scare us that his voice sounds so familiar and that he knows more than we do about the Word sometimes.  He can use it against us and make it seem like what we are doing is in the name of God.  Scary.

⁴ But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not surely die. ⁵For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." ⁶So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. ⁷ Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

Such silly logic, but they still fell for it.  Once the idea to rebel was planted, they ran with it.  Also, it says "when she saw" so just the power of his words gave her the power to see it as already happened like he said it would.

⁸And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. ⁹But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, "Where are you?" ¹⁰And he said, "I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself." ¹¹He said, "Who told you that you were naked?

Who told you that you were naked?  I love that.  God knew, but He wanted to hear it from them and recognize in saying that, that they now knew it.  It was something different and bad.  

²⁰The man called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.²¹And the LORD God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.

So, even though God was so disappointed in them, He still made way for them to be comfortable where they were.  He made clothing for them because even though they shouldn't have eaten of the fruit, and disappointed Him so much, they couldn't go back.  Sometimes parents just have to start from where their kids are...

Reminds me of a teen mom.  Her parents may not be happy with what she did and the results, but what can be done now, but help?  

Also, I wonder if there is any significance in the fact that Adam named her AFTER they disobeyed and were punished...