Good cop, bad cop. Which one is God? Which one is Jesus?

I think somewhere deep down, I've always seen everything through the lens that Jesus came to save us FROM God. Like God was just ready to send us to hell and Jesus stepped between us like a superhero and said "not this one!" And Jesus does do that...he's just not speaking TO God. He's speaking AS God TO the enemy.

I didn't think this logically...actually I didn't even realize it was the way I thought...it's just been underneath all these layers of misinterpretation and assumptions. I didn't realize it until someone else sort of put it into words in a comment on a blog. I think the past two years of learning so much prepared me to deal with it.

Maybe I thought of it like this:
Jesus: good cop
God: bad cop

I know logically this isn't true, but now that I'm aware of these thoughts, I need to work on changing my perspective and capturing my thoughts.

So, this is just a thought I'm putting out there. No digging deeper right now. More thoughts later, I'm still waking up.

I'm so scared to pray this prayer.

I don't want to see things like baby girls used as sex slaves or people dying from a lack of something I take for granted (water, antibiotics, food) because it hurts too much. If I look too long, I may be accountable. So, I've always turned my head away and stared into something meaningless like jokes on the internet or whatever book I'm into.

What if God turned His face from me because it hurt too much? Or my problem was too all encompassing that he couldn't get near it? What if He turned from my pain to gaze at something that serves to distract Him? My world would be a different place. I would be undone. I would have quit by now.

And yet this BIG group of people who have only known lack, smile. They keep moving forward. They see God in a way I don't. The things in my life that make it easier on me, make me so comfortable that sometimes I only seek God when I "need" Him. I talk to Him a lot (hourly) but I don't seek him. He romances me, and what lights up my smile more than anything? A good sale at Kohl's

I'm not saying tv and sales and shopping and junk food are the worst things in the world. But they are if they distract you from God and the great commission.  If they too easily help you forget that there are people hurting and people that need hope. 

“Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’” (Matthew 28:18-20).

Lord, in 2013 and EVERY YEAR I HAVE LEFT break my heart of stone for what breaks yours and then give me the strength to ACT! I'm scared of what that will feel like because I've never looked head on at things in this country and others that are too horrible to see. I'm scared to pray this prayer, but I'm willing. Change me. Align my heart with Yours. Break me. I'm scared, but You have not given me a Spirit of fear.  I can't even imagine at this point that such a break is possible, as I'm typing this and telling You, I'm pretty sure I'll back out.  But I want what You want even when it hurts.  I know Your will can be done in my life.  In faith, I'm giving You a permission that you don't need, but want.  I love You with all that is within me.  Amen.  

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

2 Timothy 1: 7

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Listen to this song now: 

http://youtu.be/we4t0fAnGBA

Come and see...

Nathanael said to him, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Philip said to him, "Come and see." (John 1:46 ESV)

"Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"

While reading this morning, I saw this and it reminded me that sometimes we look at people or neighborhoods or countries and think "nope. They're too far gone, what could possibly come from THEM that is good? Lost cause..." (Lord, I pray

 now BREAK ME from that way of thinking when it comes to mind. Help me notice when I think that way about anyone/group. Help me hold those thoughts captive and stop them in their tracks).

YOU, no matter who YOU are, or where you've come from or what you've done...

YOU
LACK
NOTHING
IN JESUS

What good can come from you who have come from addiction and abuse and a bad neighborhood and abandonment and pain? Your testimony. Which glorifies your Father. WHICH CHANGES LIVES. I firmly believe that your past usually dictates in what area you'll serve in the future. THE WORLD NEEDS YOU. Not "people like you" but YOU!

Until the day you die on earth, you will have the opportunity to change the world. So what good can come from where you've been? SHOW THEM

***

And in reading more of John, I see that Jesus only needs to tell a few people in each area before He moves on. He know the word of their testimony holds the power of the One (Jesus) who made it possible. 

When he heals one, the whole household is saved. When he stays in an area two days, they all come to know Him. 

TESTIMONY is so powerful! I guess if He did it all Himself what would have happened when He was gone? 

TELL SOMEONE YOUR TESTIMONY TODAY! Be vulnerable. Be transparent. Do it all in love!

November 29th - the first day of Isaac and Courtney

I had vowed to not date anyone for a year and *almost* made it, but this boy asked me out while trying on shoes at the mall (while his sisters mysteriously disappeared). I thought "what the heck? I don't have to "date him" date him, I can just go on a date with him" We ended up kissing BEFORE our first date and held hands like we'd been dating ten years ON our first date! haha And that was it.

 I told him around 6 months into it, I needed to KNOW we were supposed to get married, even though I felt I'd just die without him. What I meant was that I was a new baby Christian and I realized I needed to make sure this was the man God meant to be my forever man. He was such a gentleman and stepped back while I prayed and I really DEMANDED that God tell me it was Isaac. God, also the gentleman, let me rant and rave until finally I was spent and told Him "I know I'm not supposed to be asking for signs all the time, but You know what I need to hear so shut me up long enough so I can hear it."

 I looked up the word "love" in the concordance of my Bible and it said "Isaac" in Genesis. I was like "ummmm ok God that can't be You because that's pretty obvious," so I looked up the most romantic book of the Bible Song of Solomon. When I opened to that book in my Bible, Isaac had written a note on a little scrap of paper I'd never seen before that said "Courtney, I love you." A tremendous peace fell upon me them and I realized I was so scared that God was going to say "He's not the one" (because I was just madly in love with him) that I didn't want to seek out the answer. BTW, I didn't last a week of searching this out, it was about three days haha!

I am so grateful for the stress of that week because knowing and I mean KNOWING that we are meant to be together, with NO doubts, makes any hard times we go through less…hard. I know there is a permanence with him and the covenant we've made to one another withstands anything. So I have no worries he'll pick up and leave one day. He wouldn't have been promised to me if there was anything we couldn't get through together. 

Our first date was Outback and then to WalMart to buy my mom an extension cord, but by then it felt like we already knew it was forever. I love you Isaac and I'm so thankful we've had WAY more good times than bad and that YOU'VE been the one to show me Jesus like no one else. The fact that it's you, my husband is so sweet!

Obedience when you can't hear a command

I've learned a lot about being obedient to God this year. It unlocks so much (trust, understanding, vision, my future...)

But, what about when I'm willing to obey, but I have no idea what He wants from me?  I'm at a point where I have to decide something, answer a question I can't hear, follow a voice that seems to be too quiet.

I guess I'll continue to be willing and keep seeking. I tend to find Him more in the questions than answers anyway.

There's an All Sons and Daughters song that sings "Lord, I find you in the seeking/ Lord, I find you in the doubt."

That's me.

So, what now God? How do I obey a voice I can't hear?

IF and YET

 IF and YET

I'm convinced that the whole reason I had a short season working was so God could get me to sit down and shut up long enough to hear from Him.  I spent hours listening to Celebration Church, Missio Dei and Southland Christian Church podcasts while I typed away at work.  I took pages of notes and now I want to share something really cool inspired by Mike Breaux from Southland. 

Jesus prayed to His father, in Matthew 26

“My Father, IF it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. 

YET not as I will, but as you will.”

IF there is any other way
YET Your will be done

The IF says "I know another way (my way) is possible"  The YET says "but I trust your love/perspective/plan/view from above/your ways that are higher/your wisdom that is better/your love that runs deeper."  My personal prayer would sound like this:

Abba, look at this!  See all of these other ways for this to be accomplished?????  This, this and that and over there and back here????  Do you see them?  I would love to do it that way.  

But

I'm willing to do it whatever way you tell me to because I trust your perspective.  I want what is best for the kingdom.  I want to glorify you.  

This (whatever I want or seek) is what I want to see happen
Yet...not MY will, but YOURS


The YET brings freedom and peace. The YET is true surrender.  The YET lets you lay down your independence and deeply rely on Him


Today, as you go on your way, I pray that you have this attitude with God.  The times when we can SEE the whys and hows are amazing.  But let God work in the times when it's not easy.  Trust His Spirit.  Give him lots of YETS. I think Jesus is showing us that God wants conversation with us, but we need that attitude of surrender.

Some thoughts on soap, Fight Club and feet washin'

I was in the bath tub and thinking about...soap.  Wonder why?  Hmmm...  Anyway, I was thinking about how when you use it, it doesn't just mask smells and cover up dirt, it takes them away.  Now, I don't know the technical side of soap (aside from what I learned in Fight Club) but just off the top of my head, I know some things.

1.  It goes directly on the dirt

John 13:5 

he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

2.  You don't remove the dirt then apply the soap

1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

3. You smell so good, people sometimes even notice!!!

In 2 Cor 2 somewhere between 12 and 17, The Word says He

"uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing"

Pastor Steve often tells us to smell like Jesus.  Are ya making that connection???  So now comes applying that madness up there to our life.  Don't wait to come to Jesus or the church until AFTER you have your mess cleaned up. It's never going to happen.  You'll never get it cleaned up, even if it looks sort of pretty.  

Isaiah 64:6 says All of us have become like one who is unclean,  and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf,  and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

The BEST WE GOT, is like filthy rags.  Why not just let Him wash over us, remove the parts of our lives that are hurting us, and make us smell so good that people want to know what we use.