Ok God, I get it (even if you've had to tell me twice) blood, not bandaid and context is key

I'm going to tell you how God has rebuked me... twice...over the same issue.

Romans 15:4 For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

A while back, the Lord spoke into me that I was using the Word like a band aid.  I was googling, "what to pray for... (insert issue here)" or "Scriptures to use for... (insert issue here)" instead of reading it. There's nothing wrong with googling those things, but if I'm not also IN His Word, the Word isn't as effective for me.

He told me He wants this Word inspired by Him to be like blood.  He wants it to mix with my blood and be so much a part of who I am that I can't tell where my blood ends and the blood of His Word begins.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

For that to happen, I must read it all often (the amount of time and how often I read the bible is very different for me than for you, so that's why I'm not throwing out a particular meaning of "often").  It must seep into me and become a part of me because it already is.  I have this suspicion that because we were created by the breath of God (Genesis 2) that the story of creation is already within us and we need to READ the truth of it to unlock it.  Or something.  I haven't figured all of that out yet, but it's coming...

Joshua 1:8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

What happens is that just using scriptures for occasions or problems removes the context of the Word.  Exodus 14:14 changed my perspective on things, but especially when I found out where it lies in the midst of the story of Moses parting the Red Sea.  Just the scripture alone was enough to change things for me, but I'm more likely to lose the significance of it if it doesn't stick in my head with the whole story.  He loves stories, doesn't He?  So, they should be important to me.  Plus, I need to know WHY it was said and WHAT it preceded or followed.

Another example is Revelation 3:20  ^"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."  Until Pastor Steve said that He was talking to the church here, I just always assumed that He was talking about salvation.  That He was speaking to unbelievers because that scripture has been used that way and only that way by people speaking to me.  I'm sure it CAN be spoken that way too, but I never read the surrounding scriptures to tell why and to whom he was speaking.  QUESTIONS THINGS!  The only way to find the answers though, is to read it all.  Obtain the context.

Back to my rebuke...I did change... for awhile, then started falling back into my old ways.  One day, I realized that I hadn't written a poem in about 4 weeks.  There was just no desire.  When I write (blogs or poetry), I'll go a couple of weeks not feeling inspired to write anything and then BOOM!  I wake up one day and write 4 blogs in a row or stare at the screen until a poem evolves and then come back and later and change it and start half of another one and my wrists ache from writing and my mind is a swirling mess of revelations and it's AWESOME!  But it straight wears me out.  I could never go on like that forever, so in His wisdom, He gives me seasons.  I'll get a few weeks off and then it'll hit again.  It's the only way it would work.

But FOUR WEEKS of no poetry?  And by now, it's been another four weeks.  It's torture and I start to wonder if it'll ever come back.  A part of me thanks Him for the year that it just burst from within me. At least I have all of those pages.  But, the bigger part of me would be devastated if it was over.

It's not.  And here's how I know.  A few weeks ago, He suddenly spoke into me that until I start knowing His Word (blood not bandaid) then He would allow me to use my word.

John 6:63 The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. 

You think that I jumped right in, right?  Sigh.  I wish that I was that obedient.  For some reason, I just haven't.  But I'm going to.  Today.  For reals.  And not just to get my poetry back. But because there is no reason for poetry apart from Him.  There is no reason for poetry without my story and I won't know my story until I read it from His Word.  I'll never learn my story reading one popular bible verse after another.  Context is key.

John 8:31-32 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”


Acts 20:32 Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified.


Matthew 4:4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’


John 14:23-24 Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Anyone who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

The prisoners are listening

**I'm a little nervous to write this one because 1. it's to believers and 2.  I don't want it to sound like when I say you I'm not also referring to myself.  We just didn't fit the voice of this one.  I'm right in there learning with you.  **

WHAT'S UP WITH YOU??

I've been slowly learning that we need to act in a way that people ask, what is different about you?  What is so different that you can go through the same horrible situation that I do (money situation, baby daddy drama, family feuds, church hurt, etc...), but you don't look like you feel the disgust that I do.  You don't hate.  You don't seek revenge.  You instead keep your joy!

You should want them to say I want that!  Tell me what that is!!!

When you go through a difficult situation, especially if someone does you wrong,  people will say you're justified to hate and seek revenge.  It even makes them feel better to see you get mad because they genuinely hurt for you and want retribution.

I want to be able to tell them that God was justified in abandoning us.  God was justified in being disgusted.  Justified in punishing us while ignoring us.

But for grace...

...He sent His son!  We always want fair in this world, but what we don't realize (myself included in ALL of this, btw) is that grace isn't fair.   And where would we be without grace? There's nothing about humanity that deserves forgiveness or deserves eternal life.  From our very beginning we chose apple after apple, we lost piece of clothing after piece of clothing and our Creator, OUR FATHER, clothes us anyway thanks to grace.  (Genesis 3:21)

You should be the same way. Maybe that man deserves your hatred and your blasts on Facebook, but the only way anyone will see the love of Christ through something horrible is through how you react to it, no matter what the other person deserves.  I can't live knowing that the bad things that happen don't have a purpose.  This shows us that they do.  And it sucks.  It sucks what happened and that I'm now saying you are responsible for anything after that, but when you practice a life of authentic joy, it just becomes who you are and you begin to reflect Christ back to the world (our purpose).

Because it's not about what anyone deserves, thank you God.  I'm not talking plastering on a fake smile that says I never hurt, being a Christian means I'm immune to pain.

I mean saying This hurts so much, but I have the hope that it won't last forever and I know He's holding me through it. Even though the world says I deserve to hate him, I'm going to pray for him so that God can keep my heart whole.  I will come out the other side, but the only way is through Him. (Philippians 4:13) 

It's not always about you being strong either.  (His strength is perfected in our WEAKness 2 cor 12:9).  It's about saying, I'm weak, I CAN'T DO THIS, but I'm a child of the One who can.

People are watching you.  Not even in a negative way, waiting for you mess us, but just because we're constantly around people.  There a story in Acts 16 (16-34) where Paul and Silas are locked in prison after being severely beaten. In the worst conditions imaginable, underground, forced to stand in pain, it says:

"About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them."

The prisoners were listening.  Pastor Steve spoke on this one time and it changed my perspective on how I react to things in the presence of others.  Paul and Silas, chained up and broken, couldn't help but pray aloud and sing praises to their God.  They knew something I hadn't learned yet when I heard their story.  The joy of the Lord is their strength.  The joy of the Lord in Paul and Silas caused this:

"the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose"

Not only was everyone set free, but the very jailor that kept them all chained was shown the love of Christ and took that home to his family.  If they can do it, you surely can.  It doesn't matter if you want to be responsible for this, you are.  So, just be careful.  Try to do it in little ways starting right now.  Remember it's not a fake thing,  it's about reflecting the heart of Jesus back to the world.  

So, I'm about to do something that scares me to death.  I write poetry a lot (mostly free verse) and the sermon that Pastor Steve preached about Paul and Silas inspired one.  Not very many people even know I write it let alone have read it, buuuuuuuut...I'm going to share since I've just blogged about it.

The prisoners were alone, scared and in pain

Literally bound up, hunched over and bleeding

Found guilty, chained up deep in the earth

No windows to offer hope of a world beyond this

Beyond these walls

In the midst of the dirt and blood and pain

Through the dank air floated

The sound of happy, calm singing

Childlike laughing

They incline their ears to hear

This different type of noise

The stale air around them was unaccustomed to the sweetness

It resisted but was powerless to mask it as anything but pure

The songs they heard covered the darkness with a blanket of praise

They stopped resisting their chains

Still

The prisoners were listening

Both the ones praising and the listeners were equally bound up

Equally in pain

Charged equally guilty

Yet

Two of them lived out a joy that demanded that they praise their

Most High God

In want and in plenty

Well fed and when hungry

While in the midst of the most intense pain

And during the most peaceful calm

They didn’t need a window to see hope

They served the Author of hope

And it just came out of them

Prayers and praise filled every corner of the prison

And even reached into the heart of the one standing watch

If you could see the praise in physical form

Dancing through the prison, you would see

The praises themselves loosening the chains around the prisoners

And lifting up their bent backs

Just so they could stand tall when they surrendered

That is love

Speaking to the listeners

Speaking through the prisoners

Prisoners who were once free

Liberated slaves, choosing chains

Choosing Him over comfort

Are you discouraged?

I hate that I can't just run up front at church and speak what's on my mind.  One day, I'll be able to obey in that way, I just don't know when.  But, I CAN speak my mind here and let out what's on my heart, right? So until I can do it in front of a crowd, I'll just write it out to you.

This weekend, my friend Kellie invited me to a women's retreat and I was able to attend for one evening.  It was amazing and the feeling of all these women together just expecting to hear from God and expecting to be able to be open and honest was such a great atmosphere.  A woman spoke (or taught I should say, she was a wonderful teacher and I learned a lot).

I had been fighting discouragement all week.  Usually I find when I'm fighting it and then go into a group of people open to the move of God, a lot of them are going through it, too.  God is a wonderful orchestrator.  So, when I got this word inside of me, I knew I should share it.  I just couldn't make myself.  It was such an open atmosphere, we were welcome to just interrupt if we wanted and I still couldn't do it.

Then, at church on Sunday, guess what?  I felt it again.  Ugh, I suck. I don't, but that's what it feels like when you CAN'T MAKE YOURSELF MOVE!!!!!

By this point, you're probably thinking geez woman, get to the word!!!!

The speaker at Kellie's event was talking about how the enemy (that would be Satan) likes to see you discouraged.  Not because he cares about you but because it stops you from moving.  Immediately, the following thoughts flowed through my head:

Satan doesn't care personally about my soul being in Hell, he just doesn't want me in Heaven and he doesn't want me to show the way to Heaven to others.  God is invested in my soul, He is my creator, He is my author, He loves me too much to leave a second of my life to chance.  Satan however, doesn't care about me.  I'm not even sure he cares about my suffering for the sake of pain, it's just to convince us that the world and all its pain is all there is.   I think he just hates God so much and is so bitter, He wants Him separated from me and for me to be separated from Him.  (I have no idea if all of this is Biblically based, just thoughts, so go look it up and prove me right or wrong!!!)

The enemy doesn't just want to see you discouraged to keep you down (although that is the truest thing, right?).  He wants others to see how you react to being discouraged.  He wants them to point to you as a believer, and scrutinize you while you're down.  If you're depressed, then you don't believe enough and God isn't real.  If you're super happy anyway, then you're fake and God isn't real.  So, how should we be?  

(at this point, my brain took a small break to listen and a few minutes later, this is what I heard)

THE JOY OF THE LORD IS OUR STRENGTH! (Nehemiah 8:10)  The true joy of the Lord, not the fake happy plastered on smile, either.  The joy that even when we're down and upset and can't see a way out, we have salvation!  We KNOW that we are going THROUGH something and we can do all things THROUGH Him.  So, the closest we can be to God is in the midst of trials.  It makes it easier to count it all joy, right?   (James 1:2)


But, ya know what?  The word of God also says that in our weakness, HIS strength is perfected.  (2 Cor 12:9) This just made me laugh out loud because that means when we are going through discouragement, the enemy has to go THROUGH God to get to us.  Which he can't do because love covers us and wins every time.  Every.  Time.  

Exodus 14:14 (the most recent verse that has changed m perspective says:

Still, calm, quiet... weak?  YES!  He's our Savior, so let Him save you!  You can do nothing but say YES, so don't wear yourself out.   Rest and let Him...


Whether the enemy sees us in weakness or strength, HE HAS NO FOOTHOLD as long as we're in Christ!  If we could just get that, it would change every circumstance in our life!  If we feel strong it's because of the joy of the Lord;  if we feel weak, His strength is perfected in that.  


When you start the practice of being joyful on purpose in the midst of discouragement, discouragement won't stick around.  Ya know why?  Because discouragement is not from God.  But joy is.  It doesn't say "when we have joy, we are strong"  It says "the joy of THE LORD is our strength."  HIS JOY becomes our strength.  


Nothing starts with us (and can I get an amen on that?).  HIS grace is sufficient for us.  Not the grace I provide.  My grace would be filled up with all kinds of stipulations and phrases like "when you get to this point, then I'll give you grace," or "if you meet me halfway, then I'll give you grace."  God's grace has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him.  (which is what Pastor Steve is teaching on now).  

On Sunday, Pastor Steve said, "God will walk with you through any amount of Hell you're going through as long as you are repentant," which reminds me that God can go and see anywhere, even walk through the enemy's camp,  but the enemy can't walk through Heaven.  God can walk through discouragement, the enemy can't walk through joy. So, I choose joy.

Every time, I want joy which means I have to start practicing it!  The biggest lie people believe about living a life with Jesus is that everything is supposed to come to you easily as soon as you say yes to Him.  It's why so many people are saved and then fall away as soon as their lives don't turn around or as people continue to get cancer or our nation goes to war.  The word of God is very clear on the fact that we will have trials (James 1:12) and people will hate us (John 15:18).  Doesn't sound easy.   But eternal life with Him sounds worth it.

So, find His joy today!

Much love,
C




Listen to this today :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQ1jCPV_s_4

STOP

"When I tell you to stop, STOP!  Don't just go slower..."

I said this to Asher this morning.  He was pushing a bucket through the house and it was screeching along the floor and he was sure to trip over it.  So instead of stopping, he just started shuffling his feet and going slower while looking at me sideways.  

It reminded me that I do this with my Heavenly Father.  He prompts me to stop or turn around and instead I just slow down while saying "now?  now? now?  Stop now?  When?  Now?  Now?  Now?"  Ok, that was annoying typing it, I can't imagine how it is to hear it.  Oh wait!  I can!  I have sweet little Ash to remind me.   

Proverbs 4:10 – 12, 18, 26 - 27 

“Hear my son, and receive my sayings, and the years of your life will be many. I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble… But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; Remove your foot from evil.”

When I listen to Him, "the years of my life will be many."  That is plenty enough reason to listen, right? "The path of the just is like the shining sun."  That's beautiful!  I want that to be my path, so if I'm not on the right one or veering off course, He may tell me to stop; let Him get control of me; listen.  Oh, but that's so hard sometimes.  I'm so comfortable shuffling along because even if I'm going the wrong way, at least I'm not going too fast...

I just slow down because a little movement comforts me.  Going the way I've always gone makes me feel better.  Stopping to consider His voice which may tell me everything I've ever known is slightly off course is so scary. 

But He's with us.  Wherever we go.  If He tells us to stop, He's not going to keep going.  

So, does that mean if I'm off course, He's with me?  YES!  He may be shouting or whispering at me to STOP.  He may be tugging on my arm or stepping in front of me so I'll STOP, but He's with me. In Deuteronomy 31:6 it says "for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you."  Forsake means "to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert." Insert your name before the following statements.

Courtney, I won't quit you. Love, your Father

Courtney, I won't leave you. Love, your Father 

Courtney, I won't abandon you.  Love, your Father

Courtney, I won't desert you.  Love, your Father

He won't because He said He won't and His word never changes.  

Malachi 3:6  “I the Lord do not change.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Psalm 119:89 Your word, O Lord, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens.  

Attending the church

Going to church:

My relationship with Jesus isn't dependent on it, but my relationship with the world is.  

So many people make excuses for why they don't need to go and I did too.  The period where we don't is important to our spiritual journey too.  God makes all things work together for our good.  Even and maybe especially dry periods and times out of church.  But watching it on TV every week only is going against what He wants for you.  He wants edification and laughing and crying and sharpening of iron to take place.

The church smells and tastes metallic because of all of this iron sharpening.  The church smells like Jesus.  

Your house smells like you.  

I'm not talking about if you are bed ridden or are sick, I'm talking more about if you are able but choose another route.  God chose for us a family.  Family we can touch, and hug and SEE once or twice a week.   But guess what?  Sometimes your family members say hurtful things and use you.  It's not an excuse to leave the family.  Your response to this is what counts, but wow this would be a blog for another time.

I want to be ready to take his love into the world and where else will I get prepared?  Who will go with me?  The television won't.  How can I help new believers if I'm not around...new believers? How can I show what life can be like to hurting, broken people if I'm sitting on my couch far way from hurting, broken people?

I'm not saying there aren't a lot of good things to hear on tv (but there is also a lot of misinformation and theatrics that i'm not getting into here).  But, don't stop there.  Don't think church hopping only, and watching television is all there is.  God wants us to be in a body of believers consistently where can throw all of our passion and talents.  It's important that the Pastor knows who is there and committed to reflect Him back tot he world.  He needs to know who he can call on to help.  There are so many types of churches and so many types of people...ONE IS WAITING FOR YOU!  FOR YOUR TALENTS!  FOR YOUR LOVE!  I love Pastor Steve puts it.  

The following is taken from a podcast of Celebration Church and it will be in blue:

The real Garden of God is a wild crazy looking thing and it's beautiful.  

Not a manicured, processed human thing.  We need flesh and blood and people.  We need to be exposed to jerks.  We need to learn to love one another.


Learning to love annoying people and people who don't deserve it is part of what we're called to do.  LOVE.  ONE.  ANOTHER.  


Ummm...yeah Pastor Steve, I agree :)  Who says you can't say JERK in a sermon?????

John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Romans 12:16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.  Never be wise in your own sight.

Live in harmony implies that there will be some work to it.  We must harmonize.  Otherwise, it would just say "live..."  Where are we going to learn how to achieve harmony?

Here is a little Jennifer Wayne wisdom for ya in pink:



"And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6,7




If a tree's seed keeps jumping around, it will never grow, it will never reach its full potential.  Sad, but true.  Are we a seed or a tree?  Funny, we are both.  But we need to ask ourself, "are we the fullness He made us to be?"  


Stay in church.  Get watered, get food and GROW, GROW, GROW!  That way, when the storms come, you'll be strong enough to withstand them!




I agree with you Jen, and it's because I've just gone through this.  I feel strongly that God has only given me back my writing and passions because He can now trust me with them.  And it's because I'm firmly rooted in Him and the family He's called me to.  Because I'm firmly rooted, I've been GROWING, GROWING, GROWING!

If you aren't in a church and thinking about joining or don't ever want to join a church again or just feel like you don't want to wake up early, I'm not judging you.  But, I'm telling you in love that God wants more for you and you'll feel better for it.  I'm nervous to write a blog like this that isn't self-depricating or telling you what I'VE learned about MY experience, but I'm doing it afraid.  I hope you can see that I'm saying these things from a place of love and experience.

THIS IS COURTNEY, YO

I changed the name and description of my blog, so if you subscribe, IT'S ME, Courtney Hutchinson!  haha

His love just tears me up

I know God's love will never run out.  It's a fact that comes easy to me and I never worry about Him getting fed up with me.  A lot of people secretly worry that they can fail one too many times and God will just throw His hands up in despair and say "this one couldn't be saved."  But what I worry most about is my response to that unfailing love.

Sometimes, it probably resembles a yawn...

I mean, when I consciously think about it or during worship, YES, I am all about thanking Him for it, on my knees, coming undone from the inside out.  But in living my life, do I show it?  I want the knowledge of His love to be so integrated into my being that I can't go to church, or order a burger, or sweep the floors, or tuck in my kids without each moment reminding me that I GET to receive this love and I GET to love Him back.  Undeserved.  Here is a confession:  I'm glad God doesn't love me the way I love my kids.  With conditions I don't even realize I'm putting on them and depending on my moods and hormones and if I woke up on time.

1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

God IS love.  So, there is no way He gives any less than 100% of what love means.  I love that.  

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us

Worse than not being as blown away as I should be, I treat His love as if I deserve it. I don't.  Or that it's expected.  This kind of love -the kind where someone dies in my place, steps in front of the bullet of pure sin - shouldn't be expected, the way I act.

I feel like I need to deserve it to receive it.  But grace bridges the gap between what is and what should be.  THANK YOU GOD!  Grace is so darned one-sided it's maddening.  I am simultaneously excited by and freaked out by the fact that I can't earn His love.   I want to earn it, but I'm scared I could never earn it (I couldn't).

Psalm 136:26 Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

Forever.  No conditions.  

Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

All of these feelings I have (and a lot of people have) are completely normal because, well... we can't ever feel how we should about the way He loves us because it's just so incomprehensible.  So, I'll just keep working through it and hoping to be more aware of Him everyday.  I think that's why I'll always feel incompetent at feeling His love.  Because it keeps me moving forward :) 


Much love,
C