A few things...
God's ok with you changing your mind as long as you're changing your mind to line up with his mind. He appreciates discussions, He's ok with doubts and He wants your mind moving. Question things, debate (in love, not ignorance) and always learn new things.
If you are questioning with pride, thinking you'll fool Him or you know better, then your motives are wrong. But with an open spirit to learning more you can swim in the mystery of Him for a lifetime!
And don't forget that when someone asks you a question that you don't know the answer to, the correct answer is I don't know. I don't know is a perfectly acceptable (frequently unused) answer. If people could sniff out the truth of God's love as well as they could a fake, cheesy answer then the world wouldn't be in trouble...
Words fail me pic
Monday, August 27, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Consistency in love
I have this feeling that people would, even if they disagree with you, MUCH rather have your consistent truth than to never quite know where you stand. Inconsistency often comes from a good place. You're trying to make everyone happy and trying to make them feel like you aren't pressuring them or puking your beliefs upon them. But, you can be consistent without being aggressive.
Ex: When I really have a problem, I'm going to seek out a person who will tell me the truth in love rather than someone who will tell me what I want to hear (or as my friend Christi Stevens put it, I want them to be a sounding board, not an echo board.) I only know this by a period of watching a person being consistent. That sort of got off course of my original intent of this blog. This should sum it up:
Pastor Steve said something along the lines of don't push Jesus down anyone's throat. They have a gag reflex and will just puke him right back up."
That always stuck with me. While it was my general belief before, that thought stops me from making stupid statements.
Ex: When I really have a problem, I'm going to seek out a person who will tell me the truth in love rather than someone who will tell me what I want to hear (or as my friend Christi Stevens put it, I want them to be a sounding board, not an echo board.) I only know this by a period of watching a person being consistent. That sort of got off course of my original intent of this blog. This should sum it up:
Pastor Steve said something along the lines of don't push Jesus down anyone's throat. They have a gag reflex and will just puke him right back up."
That always stuck with me. While it was my general belief before, that thought stops me from making stupid statements.
Father, forgive me for anything I've said outside of the boundary of Your Love. It's never been my intent, but after a decade of knowing You, I'm sure I've spoken Your word in pride, or to prove a point forgetting FROM WHOM the point originated and TO WHOM the point was made. I pray people can see my intent rather than my actions sometimes, but I don't want that to be enough. In order for this love to be a verb, I must constantly try. Smiles aren't enough.
***
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Ephesians 4:15-16
***
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. Ephesians 4:15-16
Saturday, August 18, 2012
It's not always going to be like this
There have been a few times in my life when something crazy or horrible was going on and more than anything I was scared that it would always be like that. That somewhere in all the madness a new normal had been created for me and it wasn't good.
One example was when I had the reaction to the steroid shot in the ER and it (medically I have no idea, I'll just explain what it felt like) grabbed onto my adrenaline and fear and panic and it aggravated them. I couldn't sit down (literally I was walking through my house 24/7), I was so sore from that, I would cry for an hour at a time, then feel sort of ok emotionally, then I'd be a mess again. My face was swollen and red and itchy and every hour or so the most intense feeling of panic washed over me and I just wished for it to take me under. But the worst thing was, thinking that the shot had gotten into me and I would never be the same. Maybe panic was my new normal and I would have to learn to be a wife and parent and function in the world with panic running through my veins all of the time. This lasted 9 days but up until a month ago (4 months later), I would still have panic filled nights and have to take meds to sleep or something would make me nervous and I could almost feel it starting up. Guess what? I'm not like that now. It stopped. Thank you God, it stopped.
Another example is when I was getting a hemiplegic migraine monthly. These things are no joke. I was used to getting them 3-4 times a year and even then that was way too much. Numb hands, feet, tongue, I couldn't see, my words would get all jumbled in my head and it would come out sounding like gibberish (it mimics a stroke). I started getting them once or twice a menstrual cycle and what scared me more than the migraines was knowing when I would get them and thinking this was a new change in my body and it would always be like this. Maybe it would even get worse. I couldn't plan anything that week, it would change everything. Guess what? They stopped. I'm not like that now.
With both, the only explanation was people praying on my behalf (with the migraines, at the altar with people's hands on my head and THAT was the month they stopped, btw). I was too much of a mess to pray for myself. So, if you feel like this in ANY area of life (divorce, job, physical pain, anxiety, depression, finances, buying a house, children, etc) I'll pray for you. I'll stand in the gap on your behalf.
But know, no matter what, it won't always be like it is right now. If you get overwhelmed repeat that to yourself and know that I'm here for you.
One example was when I had the reaction to the steroid shot in the ER and it (medically I have no idea, I'll just explain what it felt like) grabbed onto my adrenaline and fear and panic and it aggravated them. I couldn't sit down (literally I was walking through my house 24/7), I was so sore from that, I would cry for an hour at a time, then feel sort of ok emotionally, then I'd be a mess again. My face was swollen and red and itchy and every hour or so the most intense feeling of panic washed over me and I just wished for it to take me under. But the worst thing was, thinking that the shot had gotten into me and I would never be the same. Maybe panic was my new normal and I would have to learn to be a wife and parent and function in the world with panic running through my veins all of the time. This lasted 9 days but up until a month ago (4 months later), I would still have panic filled nights and have to take meds to sleep or something would make me nervous and I could almost feel it starting up. Guess what? I'm not like that now. It stopped. Thank you God, it stopped.
Another example is when I was getting a hemiplegic migraine monthly. These things are no joke. I was used to getting them 3-4 times a year and even then that was way too much. Numb hands, feet, tongue, I couldn't see, my words would get all jumbled in my head and it would come out sounding like gibberish (it mimics a stroke). I started getting them once or twice a menstrual cycle and what scared me more than the migraines was knowing when I would get them and thinking this was a new change in my body and it would always be like this. Maybe it would even get worse. I couldn't plan anything that week, it would change everything. Guess what? They stopped. I'm not like that now.
With both, the only explanation was people praying on my behalf (with the migraines, at the altar with people's hands on my head and THAT was the month they stopped, btw). I was too much of a mess to pray for myself. So, if you feel like this in ANY area of life (divorce, job, physical pain, anxiety, depression, finances, buying a house, children, etc) I'll pray for you. I'll stand in the gap on your behalf.
But know, no matter what, it won't always be like it is right now. If you get overwhelmed repeat that to yourself and know that I'm here for you.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
For Celebration Church - God's stained glass window to the world
You shine through us
Oh God
Like a stained glass window
You shine through us
Oh father
Bringing out every single color
May we bear your image
And likeness in this world
Restore our hearts
Shine through us
Oh God, Amen
**from You Shine Through by Brothers McClurg**
Celebration Church reminds me of a stained glass window. Pieces... all different colors...
Each person is a piece of the tapestry of the church. All of us a different shade of beautiful, some big, some small, some not very visible but shining bright because of the light that is behind us, displaying a river of colors upon the world.
Can you see it? Imagine this window that would be us. The sun (son) behind us (the pieces woven together, some overlapping). Within the light, the colors merge and create more colors, colors you've never dreamed about! You can't tell where one color ends and another begins. The light does that, it connects our colors and shines them out for all to see. It's beautiful! We all have a purpose there and if one piece was missing, it would be missed.
It makes me think too that the more damaged we come, the more places for God to shine through us, altering the colors within us. He mends us of course, but those places just shine ever the more brighter to a lost and broken world. They wonder about us.
***I'm aware that I sound like a hippie, but this thought hit me on the way home today! I love you church family :)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Simplicity - a public confession
First: There is A LOT of info here. I'm being very transparent and to be honest, pretty flippin' crazy. It'll mostly make sense, but it's just burning within me so much that I'm just putting it out there, not edited too much. I most likely repeated myself and stuff, so just hang with me.
For the past couple of years we've been more aware of simplifying our lives. Clutter, paperwork, spiritually (getting back to basics). But we haven't been great at it. It's sort of like the idea has been brewing but we haven't put it into action yet. I read the following quote yesterday that made me change from wanting to do it to actually doing it:
"Not wanting something is as good as possessing it." Wow. That's the part that really got me. If I really, really, really want a new book when does the wanting stop? When I get it. Well, if I stop wanting it, when does the wanting stop? It never started. Same end. I'm not saying don't have things, but stop wanting them so much. The wanting is a hand cuff that can't be taken off until you buy what you want to access the key. BUT, another way to get that key is to walk away from wanting it. Then *poof* it's like the hand cuff was never there.
The Hutchinsons need this. We love our stuff and I mean WE LOVE OUR STUFF! Every now and then we recognize that we shouldn't be like this, but then we see a shiny new object and that thought gets pushed to the side by the reasons why we must have it. Now. Yesterday, we needed it, so today we must have it. I realize how this makes us sound, but it's so true it makes me want to puke.
What would happen if we only had the essentials? Things that we needed and things we saw the most beauty in? Then, just by being near us, being in our house, in our car, you would KNOW us. Right? Because whether we like it or not, the stuff in our lives speaks for us. The only way to shut them up is to get rid of the ones with the nastiest language. I'm not saying Playboys, geez, I'm just saying the things that say "hey they value junk" or "hey everybody look, The Hutchinsons have so much STUFF they can't keep it out of every nook and cranny and out from under every foot that enters." I don't want that. I want people to know what we value. I want the necessary to speak.
So, we are going to start eliminating. We've begun today with the things and we'll be continually working on the junk in our lives that no one would notice, but that we've noticed is ruining our family dynamic (the amount of cable we have, how much we're on the internet, what we give our kids to occupy their time while we are busy being lazy, etc...)
Not to mention, this is the life that I believe Jesus wants for us. I bet He's screaming, GET RID OF ALL OF THAT JUNK AND LOVE OTHERS AND TAKE CARE OF WIDOWS AND ORPHANS! HOW CAN THE WORLD RECOGNIZE YOU AS MINE, IF INSTEAD OF LOVING YOU ARE COVETING AND HOARDING?
I've realized that these things are just trappings. Regarding Luke 9:57-58 Steven James wrote "Foxes have holes, birds have nests, but those who follow the Son have no place to lay their heads. They just have a place to lay their hearts as they pick their way toward home." And we don't either, when we follow God. The things we can buy, the many ways we can waste time to avoid "boredom" are the enemy's ways to make us comfy here, to make us think that THIS is home. Cable, feather pillows, endless rabbit holes on the internet, nice shoes, owl figurines to make you smile. It's not. Trappings. They chain us down until we become apathetic to the things of the world (i'm thinking cable here as we watch people murdered and don't flinch).
Steven James also wrote: "I'll follow you wherever you go," we tell Jesus. "I have no home," he says. "Will you follow me to the place where you don't either?"
Courtney and Isaac are saying "we will, Lord, and we'll take your two little children along with us."
Luke 12:34 says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
So, where is my heart? I know where it feels like it is (with my Father, with my family, with my friends, helping others) but where do my treasures show my heart is (with all of the devices I have to keep my mind occupied every second of every day)
For the past couple of years we've been more aware of simplifying our lives. Clutter, paperwork, spiritually (getting back to basics). But we haven't been great at it. It's sort of like the idea has been brewing but we haven't put it into action yet. I read the following quote yesterday that made me change from wanting to do it to actually doing it:
"We don't need to increase our goods nearly as much as we need to scale down our wants. Not wanting something is as good as possessing it." ~Donald Horban
"Not wanting something is as good as possessing it." Wow. That's the part that really got me. If I really, really, really want a new book when does the wanting stop? When I get it. Well, if I stop wanting it, when does the wanting stop? It never started. Same end. I'm not saying don't have things, but stop wanting them so much. The wanting is a hand cuff that can't be taken off until you buy what you want to access the key. BUT, another way to get that key is to walk away from wanting it. Then *poof* it's like the hand cuff was never there.
***
"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak." ~Hans Hofmann
The Hutchinsons need this. We love our stuff and I mean WE LOVE OUR STUFF! Every now and then we recognize that we shouldn't be like this, but then we see a shiny new object and that thought gets pushed to the side by the reasons why we must have it. Now. Yesterday, we needed it, so today we must have it. I realize how this makes us sound, but it's so true it makes me want to puke.
What would happen if we only had the essentials? Things that we needed and things we saw the most beauty in? Then, just by being near us, being in our house, in our car, you would KNOW us. Right? Because whether we like it or not, the stuff in our lives speaks for us. The only way to shut them up is to get rid of the ones with the nastiest language. I'm not saying Playboys, geez, I'm just saying the things that say "hey they value junk" or "hey everybody look, The Hutchinsons have so much STUFF they can't keep it out of every nook and cranny and out from under every foot that enters." I don't want that. I want people to know what we value. I want the necessary to speak.
***
"The sculptor produces the beautiful statue by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed - it is a process of elimination." ~Elbert Hubbard
So, we are going to start eliminating. We've begun today with the things and we'll be continually working on the junk in our lives that no one would notice, but that we've noticed is ruining our family dynamic (the amount of cable we have, how much we're on the internet, what we give our kids to occupy their time while we are busy being lazy, etc...)
Not to mention, this is the life that I believe Jesus wants for us. I bet He's screaming, GET RID OF ALL OF THAT JUNK AND LOVE OTHERS AND TAKE CARE OF WIDOWS AND ORPHANS! HOW CAN THE WORLD RECOGNIZE YOU AS MINE, IF INSTEAD OF LOVING YOU ARE COVETING AND HOARDING?
I've realized that these things are just trappings. Regarding Luke 9:57-58 Steven James wrote "Foxes have holes, birds have nests, but those who follow the Son have no place to lay their heads. They just have a place to lay their hearts as they pick their way toward home." And we don't either, when we follow God. The things we can buy, the many ways we can waste time to avoid "boredom" are the enemy's ways to make us comfy here, to make us think that THIS is home. Cable, feather pillows, endless rabbit holes on the internet, nice shoes, owl figurines to make you smile. It's not. Trappings. They chain us down until we become apathetic to the things of the world (i'm thinking cable here as we watch people murdered and don't flinch).
Steven James also wrote: "I'll follow you wherever you go," we tell Jesus. "I have no home," he says. "Will you follow me to the place where you don't either?"
Courtney and Isaac are saying "we will, Lord, and we'll take your two little children along with us."
***
Luke 12:34 says "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
So, where is my heart? I know where it feels like it is (with my Father, with my family, with my friends, helping others) but where do my treasures show my heart is (with all of the devices I have to keep my mind occupied every second of every day)
***
"Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it." Proverbs 15:16
So here we are. Telling God (even though He knows better than we know) that we've screwed up this area of our lives. We've given it to Him, and we're starting from this moment, guilt free, but hanging onto the lesson. And I am admitting to you blogosphere that I am a lazy mother. And this world just can't afford to have those. We are raising up the next generation that will change the world (for better or worse). It's a responsibility we have whether we recognize it or want it. I want it, by the way. But, my stewardship has sucked.
***
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame,and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
So, as you all see me, I need to do better. I want to THROW OFF every single little thing in my life that hinders me from living in more freedom and loving with more room in my hug. Because, I'm in a race my friends and I can't run with two tons of baggage in my hands. If this seems intense, it's because IT IS! I want to never stop considering Him while disregarding things. The world tries its hardest to convince me that I NEED this and I NEED that and I've fallen for it. Fallen in love with junk. I will not grow weary in this. My heart will not be lost to things.
I want to be captivated by the beauty in the simple things. I've forgotten how to be still. There isn't a moment in my life that I'm not looking at Facebook, checking emails, writing notes for a blog, playing Angry Birds/Words With Friends/Draw Something, ignoring my kids, or getting fatter. The way I've been living is the equivalent of Tommy Boy squeezing the tube of ketchup into his mouth. The crazy thing is, while doing all of this, I've slowly grown spiritually more mature. Imagine what the heck I could accomplish for the Kingdom of God, imagine what glory and love I could be showing this broken world when all of these chains are thrown off of me. Of us!
Hold me accountable, blogosphere.
Lord, just hold me.
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