It's not always going to be like this

There have been a few times in my life when something crazy or horrible was going on and more than anything I was scared that it would always be like that.  That somewhere in all the madness a new normal had been created for me and it wasn't good.

One example was when I had the reaction to the steroid shot in the ER and it (medically I have no idea, I'll just explain what it felt like) grabbed onto my adrenaline and fear and panic and it aggravated them. I couldn't sit down (literally I was walking through my house 24/7), I was so sore from that, I would cry for an hour at a time, then feel sort of ok emotionally, then I'd be a mess again.  My face was swollen and red and itchy and every hour or so the most intense feeling of panic washed over me and I just wished for it to take me under.  But the worst thing was, thinking that the shot had gotten into me and I would never be the same.  Maybe panic was my new normal and I would have to learn to be a wife and parent and function in the world with panic running through my veins all of the time.  This lasted 9 days but up until a month ago (4 months later), I would still have panic filled nights and have to take meds to sleep or something would make me nervous and I could almost feel it starting up.  Guess what?  I'm not like that now.  It stopped.  Thank you God, it stopped.

Another example is when I was getting a hemiplegic migraine monthly.  These things are no joke.  I was used to getting them 3-4 times a year and even then that was way too much.  Numb hands, feet, tongue, I couldn't see, my words would get all jumbled in my head and it would come out sounding like gibberish (it mimics a stroke).  I started getting them once or twice a menstrual cycle and what scared me more than the migraines was knowing when I would get them and thinking this was a new change in my body and it would always be like this.  Maybe it would even get worse.  I couldn't plan anything that week, it would change everything.  Guess what?  They stopped.  I'm not like that now.

With both, the only explanation was people praying on my behalf (with the migraines, at the altar with people's hands on my head and THAT was the month they stopped, btw).  I was too much of a mess to pray for myself.  So, if you feel like this in ANY area of life (divorce, job, physical pain, anxiety, depression, finances, buying a house, children, etc) I'll pray for you. I'll stand in the gap on your behalf.

But know, no matter what, it won't always be like it is right now.  If you get overwhelmed repeat that to yourself and know that I'm here for you.