Dear you,
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Love, Jesus
(John 15:5)
Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing... Look at those branches and leaves up there. You pick them, they die. They drop from the branch, they die. No fruit can grow on a branch off of the vine. A dead branch.
Take note that branches, leaves and fruit on a vine are very close together. There are places where you can't even tell where one branch begins and another ends. We're all woven together, yet each connected to the vine separately. Relationships with one another are so important because we're in such close proximity to one another. We just have to be careful not to grab someone's hand and cut ourselves off from the vine...
**
Sometimes we rely on friends and spouses and partners and family members to constantly remember us. Constantly make sure we're ok, constantly stay in contact. Constantly affirm. Constantly defend.
Constantly
If we are a garden, and water is validation/affirmation, then they must water it. Prune it. Adore it. Gardens need constant attention and pruning by a Master gardner who loves the garden. A vine pruner. A Master capable of the purest love. The kind of love that benefits the garden, even if it hurts it. Pruning love.
Humans aren't always (ever?) capable of that. Humans might leave the water hose on and water one area so much that everything dies. Leaving 2/3 of your garden dry and dead for another reason. The water ratio is a hard one to perfect and then depending on the weather, it must change daily. Leave that to the One fully knowledgable in what gardens need...what YOUR garden needs.
In Genesis 2:18 it says "Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone, …" That was "in the beginning." I want to highlight this because I'm not trying to say that relationships are irrelevant. They are very relevant and God put that need within us. So don't isolate yourself. Just go to God first. Go to Him often. Don't consistently look for validation from the world over the word. We need people. We do!!! But not more than we need our Creator.
Friendships and relationships are amazing. God didn't put the need for community into us for Himself only. So many scriptures mention standing alongside people, carrying their burdens, giving/receiving wise counsel, hearts being knit together in love. Friendships and relationships that glorify God are amazing and benefit everyone.
Serving with a sister whose shoulder you cried on the night before might be the most beautiful thing in the world.
So while those relationships are to be cherished, we aren't supposed to yearn for that type of communion with anyone OVER God. When we do, it only causes strife and an ache in our heart where we don't have the right to be hurt.
People will never validate us in the way
we need to be validated.
Here is what I think happens: God puts within each of us a need to communicate with Him, but when we are not in constant communication/praise/worship/prayer with Him, we seek it elsewhere instead of seeking it additionally. It's sort of a natural response if you get what I mean. We just need to direct that natural response onto the correct person. Which is always our Creator.
When misdirected, not only do we miss out on precious communication with God but we become bitter toward the people in our lives who we've placed in an impossible position. People who we've placed an unfair expectation on that they can never meet. That hurts everyone.
Our friends are not our gods.
Relationships in our lives are so important to US because God put that need within us to communicate and check-in often with HIM. We need His affirmation, direction and validation.
The most important friendships in our lives
point us to HIS face.
Checking in and communicating is hard-wired into us; we need it and when we don't know where to direct it, sometimes the closest people in our lives become the target. The problem is, they just weren't meant to be that for us, completely. They aren't equipped to handle that and that is where disappointment creeps in. The roots of discord are fierce and silent. Be aware, be vigilant, guard your hearts against it. Don't let anything grow in the soil of your soul but what your Heavenly Gardener has planted.
It applies to Facebook, too. Don't get bitter when no one likes a status that you put a lot of thought into and tried really hard to make affirming. I'm sure it was awesome and who knows who saw it and is taking it with them, but likes mean nothing. And what happens when you get a lot of likes and then they stop? You start another status and get that little thrill when people like it. Then what? Another? IT'S NEVER ENOUGH. On Facebook OR with people. They can never affirm you enough. Ever. God is the only One big enough to handle you and your ego (ME and MY ego). Truth?
Don't let other people be the main source of water (validation, direction) for your garden. Go to God for that and let everything else be a bonus. I know this is a cheesy metaphor, but it rings true for me because I struggle with it.
It brings such freedom to let that expectation go and just go to God in communion with Him before (and more often than) anyone else. Then, guess what? You won't need that affirmation from people and the soil of your relationships will be holy ground. You bring God and the other person brings God and there are no idols being made of one another. It's such a freeing way to be in community with other people.
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