Help my unbelief!

Mark 9:24 “I believe; help my unbelief!”

Asher says he's scared of the dark.  He isn't really, he's just heard Zoe say it to keep from going to sleep and he's latched onto it.  Just a minute ago, I was trying to get him to take a nap because he's sick and he said "but i'm scared of uh dark" and I said "but mommy is right here with you." And he said, "mommy I know you're here, but I'm scared."  And just to amp up the cuteness factor it came out sounding like mommy I know you HEE-YAH!  But I'm scowed.


Yeah...that's ok, I wasn't offended.  I understood.  I'm still there, the dark is still there.  We're still there together.  Asher being scared doesn't make something scary appear and whether he believes I'll keep him safe or not, I will.  

**

I pray for my migraines to be gone.  I get my faith as close to the size of a mustard seed as I can (and let's face it, it's still most likely at least the size of Texas), then as soon as lights look funny I start to panic.  LORD, IS THIS A MIGRAINE?  I BELIEVE I'M HEALED, BUT AM I SICK?  Is this a headache coming or the lingering flash from a camera?  I believe, but help my unbelief!


How have I never seen this scripture LIKE THIS? In the same sentence, he says 

*I believe

*Help me believe.  

WHAT?  That's exactly how I feel, ESPECIALLY regarding healing.  I've always needed help in the unbelief department (maybe more than most) and so this is often my prayer, "help my unbelief," but I never saw the rest of it and saw how it all fit together.  


This desperate father who spoke thousands of years ago, jumps straight into 2012 to teach me that God expects this.  This man, this scared father (speaking of healing for his son from a spirit that made him blind and mute and caused him to hurt himself) said "if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 


Sigh.  (I bet Jesus sighed) He said, 

“‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

His son was healed.  Even in unbelief and belief and somewhere in between because of the man's honesty and faith (yes, FAITH) Jesus healed his son.  I like the way Jesus reacted to the man.  It's like how I react when Zoe has a morning when she's scared to go to school because her morning started off bad and she's crying for me. I expect it every now and then.  But, when will she learn that I'll be there in the pick up line to get her?  Every day.  I'll never leave her!  

Zoe trusts me, but she still gets scared.  

Asher trusts me, but he still gets scared.

I tend to get frustrated where Jesus does not.  He just (maybe sighs) and repeats his own words back to the scared father.  THAT is when the man is completely honest.  The most honest thing I've ever heard:

Mark 9:24 “I believe; help my unbelief!”

That honesty brings healing.  We could learn a lot from that interaction.  


It's like me believing my migraines are gone forever while keeping my meds in the cabinet.  I feel God's ok with that. There may be a time when He tells me to throw them out and I better obey, but until then they're staying there.  


This part in Mark shows one father reaching out to another Father.  Two hearts beating for their children, willing to do anything to save them.  Jesus appreciates complete transparency.  And ya know what?  People do, too.  Jesus wanted the father forever changed, too.  This interaction was no accident.  


One thing I want you to take away from this is stop being so hard on yourself if you have doubts or if you have doubt while at the same time having faith.  Nothing is wrong with your relationship with God.  He doesn't want blind, mute followers (He casts those things out!).  He wants authenticity and transparency.  He wants you in all the way.  James 1:8 says, "a double-minded man [is] unstable in all his ways."


Double-minded doesn't represent faith and doubt.  It doesn't represent belief and unbelief.  It represents something more like honesty and lies.  Transparent and covered.  


I think, anyway.  I've had a lot of coffee so take that for what you will, my fingers are going faster than my brain.  Take a look at this guy:

God on one side, the world on the other.  That is double-minded.  And stupid if you think God can't see it.  Have one head...I mean mind.  Look at the world, look at God, look at dirt, look at a snow white dove.  All through the same eyes, through the lens of The Word.  Single minded.  

Much love,

C

p.s.  I feel like this interaction proves that emotions don't mean squat.  They're nice and they are often useful, but belief is a decision. I don't know about you, but this makes me feel better. I don't have to rely on whether I feel God to know He's there.  I get to decide to believe.  I get to decide to have ONE FLIPPIN' HEAD. That's cool.  And it's easier than looking at the world, like everything is just up to chance.  Sheesh, talk about emotions.  I used to live like that and I never felt more out of control.   Don't get me wrong, I FEEL Him often.  But when I don't, I have this one head/mind that I can pull words from and speak HIS WORDS anyway.  The emotions eventually align with what I'm thinking so it's this really cool full circle thing.